


Jet Pack Blues

by Csmith728



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-04 03:52:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5319401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Csmith728/pseuds/Csmith728
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tobin Heath leads a respectable but solitary life. What happens when one day she wakes up to a new life and a  mysterious but beautiful girl dancing in her kitchen? Slight AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tobin Powell Heath

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I've been an avid reader for a while now and finally have the courage to post one of my own. I am by no means a writer, and this is my first attempt! Constructive criticism is extremely welcome, as well as opinions on whether or not I should continue =) I've just had this in my head for days now. I know this storyline kind of pops up in a lot of fandoms but this is my take on it. I do not own anything. Enjoy!

Tobin Powell Heath lived a respectable life. She had a steady job, an office job; albeit it was a bit boring, it paid the bills. She was close to her family and saw them at least once a month for family dinner. She paid her taxes, and she was never late on payments for her rent and phone bill. All of her left over money after the necessities like food and gas went into her savings account. She had two close friends from college, Amy and Lauren, whom she got to see rarely but she loved dearly. On weekends she’d roam the city markets people watching and eyeing teens racing by on their long boards, secretly wishing she could be as carefree as they looked while riding it. In reality though Tobin knew she would never have the guts to purchase one. 

Too many things could go wrong. She can barely walk in a straight line let alone ride in one. And on these streets with bricks missing every couple of feet, you’d have to have a death wish! There are more practical things to spend money on. 

After scouring the makeshift booths she’d settle on the fresh fruits and veggies she wanted for the week and pick out what she wanted to cook for dinner. She’d make her way home, loot in hand and cook a chef’s worthy meal for one. After washing her dishes and wiping down the counters and table, she’d sit on the couch and pick up where she left off on her favorite show or a new book she found at the local bookstore just down the street. Not after long, Tobin would find herself starting to drift off and pick herself up off the couch to get ready for bed. 9 o’clock on the dot. To say she was predictable was an understatement. Climbing into bed she’d pull out her old and worn Bible from the drawer in her bedside table. She’d get lost in a few passages until she felt herself fighting sleep once again. She’d reflect over the day she had and pray, thanking God for her family and good friends, her ability to provide for herself and keeping all of them safe and healthy another day. Tobin would then lie in bed and wonder how her life had turned out as it had. See, Tobin’s life, while very respectable, was a solitary one. It was nights like these, after remembering the kids riding the long boards or the couple holding hands and laughing while looking at strawberries that she would turn over and over, contemplating. 

_Strawberries._ she thinks. _Strawberries aren’t a particularly funny fruit. Pineapple maybe because I mean look at it and the name itself is questionable, but strawberries? What could they have thought was so funny?...Maybe he said something that made her laugh and they just happened to be looking at the strawberries._

She imagined herself making someone laugh with a particularly well timed joke. She could come up with something funny about strawberries. She caught herself often imagining herself living someone else’s life. Being in a relationship. Walking the market hand in hand. Going to the movies, to the park, cooking nice meals for them. Wondering what it’d be like to be close to someone other than her family and Amy and Lauren. While she loved all of them, she had an ache that was sometimes so powerful she could hardly breathe. An ache of something, or someone missing. She’d fight off the urge to curl in on herself and heave and she’d pray . She’d pray to have the guts to live her own life. To go out with friends from work to have a drink after a long day. To finally splurge on season tickets to see her favorite soccer team, not just watching from afar on her tv set. To have the courage to actually touch a soccer ball in general again after years of avoiding one. To actually try to meet someone to fill the void that she so desperately needs filled. All of these thoughts racing through Tobin’s mind seem never ending until she finally drifts into a restless sleep.

In the morning, however Tobin would think back on her thoughts of the night before and just chalk it up to the glass of wine she had with dinner. Not much of a drinker, she feels the effects of it far easier than she should and chastises herself for pouring a little more than her usual amount. 

Tobin is practical. She knows her life wont change overnight. She knows she is doomed to her life of solitude and has come to terms with it. She finds small joys in flipping the perfect omlette, or finally finishing a particularly hard cross word puzzle that’s been stumping her all week. She smiles dutifully at her coworkers and politely declines their invitations to this weeks bar ritual, claiming prior plans. And she does have plans. She goes to work, goes home, relaxes for a few hours and goes to sleep. Day in day out. Repeat. 

It’s a particularly dreary saturday night when Tobin had just settled in for the evening sports center in the background nose in a book. The rain had been pouring since the wee hours of the morning so Tobin was unable to keep up her usual saturday plans. Instead she opted to lounge all day watching movies, and catching up on her shows, then she watched the Thorns ( her favorite women’s soccer team) dominate the Western New York Flash. It wasn’t until a bit later that she grew bored. She was supposed to be reading but her thoughts kept keeping her distracted. Not able to concentrate, she slunk off the couch to find something to do in the kitchen. She decided to bake some brownies, not the box kind but from scratch. They were her famous brownies, even if only her and her family enjoyed them. 

She eyed the bottle of wine she had picked up earlier in the week for her usual saturday night glass and thought _Why not?_

She poured herself a glass and got to work. 30 minutes later, her brownies were in the oven and her glass empty. 

_Just one more glass would be ok, it’s not like I have to work in the morning._

She set the timer and sat back down on the couch, flipping through the channels. She landed on a rerun of Friends and sat back enjoying her second glass. It was the one where Ross and Rachel had their first kiss. A good episode. A couple of swigs in and she felt herself grow tired. Her eyes began to droop and within minutes she was heading towards unconsciousness. Her last thought was something about how she wished she had someone to share her brownies with and she hoped the timer would wake her up when the brownies were done.....

...

Morning

Tobin woke up to the smell and sound of bacon frying. She smiled in contentment because who doesn’t love the smell of bacon in the morning? It’s one of the most comforting smells in the entire world and _hang on...WHO IS COOKING BACON. WHO IN THE WORLD IS IN MY KITCHEN. I’m not in my kitchen...am I? Did I sleep walk?_ She opened her eyes to confirm. _NOPE. Definitely not in my kitchen. WHO THE HELL IS IN MY KITCHEN!_

Panic rose in Tobin and she shot out of bed as quietly as she could. Heart racing she padded down the hall with silent feet so as not to tip off the intruder. _What kind of evil genius cooks bacon at their hostages house, that’s some messed up shit!_ Tobin thought. _Using the worlds most revered breakfast food for their own gain...blasphemy!_

She stopped at the end of the hall and peered over the corner through the living room and into the kitchen. What she saw made her blood run cold. Standing in her kitchen appeared to be a girl, no a woman, about her age. She was dressed in nothing but a snapback, Tobin’s favorite snapback though she hardly ever wore it, and a blue flannel shirt that hung half way down her legs, barely concealing any of the smooth skin that seemed to glow in the morning light streaming through her kitchen windows. Tobin couldn’t tell if she was wearing underwear but she knew for sure she wasn’t wearing pants. Just as she was admonishing herself for getting distracted WHEN THERE WAS A PANTSLESS STRANGER IN HER KITCHEN the girl started dancing, swaying her hips back and forth whipping the spatula through the air for emphasis. Tobin could now hear the music playing through her speakers not too loud so as not to wake her. Or so she assumed. _This girl has to be some sort of secret assassin this is ridiculous! That or she thinks she’s in someone else’s apartment._ Because just then the girl did some crazy fist pump slash butt jiggle that looked absolutely ridiculous that even Tobin couldn’t help but chuckle at. _Yea no way she’s an assassin._ she thought as the girl started using the spatula as a mic. Just as mystery girl was really getting into singing uptown funk, she spun and caught Tobin looking at her wide eyed. 

_Shit._

Fear ran through her once again. Temporarily forgotten by the sheer dorkiness of the scene in front of her, it was back hitting Tobin full force. She locked eyes with mystery girl, who looked faintly familiar, and froze. The girl, however, broke out into a wide grin.

“Hey baby, you’re up! I was just making us breakfast. Man you were quiet this morning, I didn’t even hear you get out of bed!” And with that she turned back to her bacon, flipping it making sure it was completely cooked before piling it on a plate. Tobin was still standing stock still unsure of what to do. 

_Baby?...what the...is this girl out of her mind..._

Tobin began to fear for her life again. No way this girl was right in her mind. 

“Tobs? Babe can you get the butter for me I have to start stirring the batter for the pancakes otherwise they wont turn out fluffy like you like...”

_She knows my name...not just my name but my nickname that only select people call me. What is going on??_

The girl looked over at Tobin while she was still having a silent panic attack. 

“Babe?”

Tobin gave her a fleeting look before something caught her eye. It was a picture frame hanging on the wall of her living room. There were a couple of frames actually, scattered all over the walls. Most were pictures of her, Tobin, with mystery girl. One was of them at a park smiling on a bench. Another was taken at what seemed to be an aquarium, beautifully colored fish surrounding them. There were tons of beach pictures of both of them smiling, sun-kissed and tired from a day in the sun. One had the girl kissing Tobin’s cheek. Others had some with Tobin’s family in them. There was also one with her, amy and lauren. Another set had some people that Tobin didn’t know, but she assumed they were the girl’s family, they all looked alike. The one that had originally caught Tobin’s eye however was the most striking of them all. It was larger than the rest, the focal point. They were on a soccer field clearly laying in the net. Tobin had one hand holding a ball by her head and she was looking at the girl with complete and utter adoration in her eyes. The girl was laughing her eyes twinkling and nose scrunched up just slightly, looking at the camera through squinting eyes. Tobin was taken aback with how happy she looked. Never in her life had she taken a picture like that, felt like how she looks in the photograph.

 _HOW was all of this happening?_ Tobin started to pale and the girl noticed. She had already started making her way over to her, asking if she was ok, when Tobin took off back down the hallway mumbling an “ I don’t feel well” over her shoulder before slamming the door to her bathroom shut. Tobin slumped over her toilet and heaved. 

_What the fuck?_


	2. Tobin meets Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin meets Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the love and excitement, kinda super nervous now but hopefully it won't disappoint! As always any comments and or questions are awesome! This one's a little short but I'll update again soon. Thank you again!

Tobin woke up to the sound of silence. Slowly opening her eyes, she peered around her. All she saw was an up close view of her fuzzy bathmat and a new side of her toilet that she wishes she’d never seen. She made a mental note to be more thorough when cleaning her bathroom. How could behind the toilet get missed so easily? She gingerly tried to sit herself up, wondering how long she’d been passed out on the bathroom floor. Looking down at the floor she also made a mental note to drown herself in vitamin C.

Tobin sat there for a minute or two trying to process what was happening. Her mind was hazy but it was all starting to come back to her. Falling asleep on the couch and waking up in her bed. Bacon. Half naked mystery girl dancing in her kitchen, spatula as a mic. Photographs. Soccer ball. Panic attack. Nausea. Throwing up in the toilet. Said mystery girl talking to her through the door. Her vision going blurry. Blackness.

Did she have a lot more to drink last night than she thought? She doesn’t remember having more than a glass and half but maybe?...maybe she did drink more and she just doesn’t remember it? That’d account for her headache and her confusion but that doesn’t explain the girl. Tobin is NOT the kind of girl to just go out and meet random strangers, let alone bring them back to her apartment. No matter how attractive. So she concludes she was either hallucinating. _maybe the wine was bad?_ or she was having an insanely vivid dream- the culprit once again the alcohol. Besides there was no way a woman as beautiful as mystery girl could be there with someone like Tobin. Tobin was just...Tobin. And this girl was perfect. Too perfect. Wearing a snapback AND flannel, cooking BACON? Yea that perfection doesn’t exist. _It definitely had to be a dream._ She thinks. _Boy is my imagination spot on. And so vivid too, I can still smell the bacon. Shit, what about my brownies!_

She pulled herself to her feet and washed her hands. She opened the door and made her way down the hall, although a bit cautiously still a little spooked from her dream. She’s 97% sure it was a dream. As she rounded the corner into her living room however once again she froze. The pictures were still there. 

“NO”, she said out loud. Like simply saying the word “no” was going to make it go away. She closed her eyes tightly and shot them open again, like maybe she could will the vision away. Her eyes scanned the room for the girl but she found nothing. She creeped further in staying close to the wall, trying to make her way to the kitchen. Once she was there, she took a look around. The bacon that was being cooked earlier still sat on the paper towels it was deposited on. There was a bowl by the stove that was half filled with what looked like pancake batter. She opened the oven to see if her brownies were in fact still there but alas no brownies in sight. She glanced around the kitchen and there, on the fridge, hung up with alphabet magnets spelling TOBS was a note. 

Hey Love,  
Ran to the store really quick to get you some medicine, you sounded pretty sick in there. There’s a glass of orange juice already poured for you in the fridge. Drink it! I’ll be back with soup and your favorite crackers, until then go relax and try to get some sleep. I love you Lex

_Lex?_ Tobin is 100% sure she doesn’t know a Lex. And how long has she been gone? Is she even coming back? Tobin is 82% sure this is a dream. It was the only possible explanation right?

Making her way into the living room she sits down on the couch. Her head was starting to swim again, and she needed to calm down, take deep breaths. But sitting on the couch has now given her a whole new perspective on “her” living room. There were the pictures obviously but now there was so much more in her line of vision. Every amount of wall space seemed to be taken up by something. There was art hanging on the walls, knick knacks piled on bookshelves. Various items were strewn across the table. None of it in a messy way, it was in a lived in way. Tobin eyed one of the books sitting on the table and read the cover. It was the same one she had been trying to read the night before. There was something sticking out of the pages and upon closer inspection she noticed it was a makeshift bookmark. A shin guard. _Huh Creative._

She was surrounded by things that make up everyday life that one doesn’t normally think about. The shoes haphazardly discarded by the coffee table. A mug of cold coffee sat next to a coaster on the table. _what kind of crazy person puts a drink **next to** a coaster? _ Even the coasters on the coffee table were interesting. They looked like maps of different places, places that Tobin only dreamed of going to. Candles sat on every surface in a way that looked like a fire hazard to her. But Tobin couldn't help but take in every single bit. You see, that respectable life she has? Is nothing compared to this. Sure she has things but not like this. Everything in this room has a story, a purpose for its being. It’s tied to memories. Tobin doesn’t really have much in regards to things. Sure she has certain prized possessions like her Bible, and her cross necklace her parents gave her for graduation. She has her favorite books and movies that she displays on her neat and organized shelves. She has some pictures from her high school days and college years stuffed in an old album somewhere, probably in her closet. Comparing the two now though has Tobin feeling dismayed. She never realized how empty her home was. How empty she was.

Tobin’s vision got blurry and she began to sway. She quickly put her head between her legs and took a couple of deep breaths. She knew she was on the verge of hyperventilating. She stayed like that for a few minutes. Just as she was starting to calm herself down and get her vision back she peered down at her feet. One sock on one sock off. Well at least she knew some things stayed the same. She was 67% sure this was still a dream. Just as she was preparing herself to sit back up, something twitched out of the corner of her eye.

Tobin saw a pair of green eyes flash at her and let out a yelp before she could even stop herself. In her moment of weakness she seemed to have scared the thing that was currently hiding under the couch more than it had scared her. It lashed out and scratched the back of her calf just above her ankle before darting into the hallway. 

Tobin cursed and let out another yelp of pain. She pulled up her pant leg to get a good look at the damage to her calf. She’d live but it was a close one. Today had to be the worst day of Tobin Heath’s life. That also scratched out the idea that all of this was a dream because her leg was now on fire and she clearly was not waking up. Pun intended.

The front door opened and Tobin tensed. She watched mystery girl, or Lex, make her way through the door, bags in hand. It took her a second to realize Tobin was sitting there in the living room but as soon as she did, she dropped everything on the island in the kitchen and made her way over to her. She had a concerned look on her face. Her hand was poised in that familiar gesture of a parent placing the back of their hand up against their child’s forehead to check for a temperature. Suddenly, the furry hell beast that was lurking under the couch came running up to the girl without hesitation. It started pawing at her, meowing loudly. Clearly wanting to be picked up, it started purring with satisfaction once it was pacified. 

“Harry? What’s wrong handsome? Why is your little heart racing?”, the girl called Lex cooed to the cat. “You’re acting like you just saw Lord Voldemort!...Ha!”, Lex doubled over with laughter. Clearly proud of herself for making such a dorky joke, she looked at Tobin expecting to see the same reaction.

Tobin however was looking at her in horror. She may not know this girl but she kind of felt betrayed, loving on the thing that seconds ago tried to kill her. Maybe she was being a little dramatic but it's been that kind of morning. Lex however took it in a different context.

“Ugghhhh, Tobin!”, she groaned rolling her eyes. “ He-who-must-not-be-named, I’m sorry! Better?”. She set the cat down and took a seat next to Tobin on the couch. “You are so lucky to have me I hope you know that. Not everyone would put up with your dorky ways.” The look on her face was pure amusement.

_Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON._


	3. Alex Morgan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin finally realizes who mystery girl is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 2 updates in 2 days! It wont always be like this but I've been trying to get out as much as I can while it's running through my head. This one's a little more somber but it'll be back to goofy stuff soon. Trying to give y'all a good balance. Comments are much appreciated thank you so much for the love!!

Lex was still looking at Tobin with an amused expression on her face. Her eyes were bright blue and sparkling with laughter and it kind of took Tobin’s breath away. Tobin was feeling overwhelmed and couldn’t take it any longer. She blurted out the first thing that came to her mind.

“ You’re wearing my snapback.” _Eloquent._ Not exactly what she wanted to say but the girl was indeed still wearing her snapback. Lex’s eyebrows shot up giving her a curious look. 

“ I know, I thought you liked when I wore it?”

“...But I don’t know you!” Tobin was getting frustrated. She’s had a long morning. She was done with whatever crazy joke this was. Her head hurt, her leg was on fire, she was confused and she just wanted her life to go back to how it was because she couldn’t handle whatever the fuck was going on.

The girl’s expression turned from amusement to concern after seeing the look on Tobin’s face.

“What do you mean you don’t know me? Tobs, we’ve been living together for like, 8 months, you should know me by now. What's going on babe, not feeling any better from this morning?” She gave Tobin a sympathetic look and moved to get off the couch. "Let me get you some medicine, are you still nauseous? do you have chills? Fever?"

Tobin’s eyebrows knit together, stern look on her face. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Seriously the joke is over, who put you up to this? And no I'm not feeling better, but I'm not sick!”. Lex sat back down.

“...Tobs, I don’t..”

“Stop calling me Tobs! Only my close family calls me that!”

Lex’s face fell. She looked hurt and Tobin immediately regretted yelling.

“Hey, I’m sorry, it’s just that I really don’t know who you are and my head hurts and i’m just really confused. I want to go home.”

Lex sat up straight, locked eyes with Tobin and gave her a piercing look. “Tobs-sorry-Tobin please be honest with me,” she paused and Tobin thought this was it, we can finally figure out what is happening. But then...” Did you fall off your longboard yesterday?”

_Seriously? What the hell kind of question is that?_

“What? I don’t even own a longboard how could I have fallen off-”...Tobin was cut off by a pointed stare. On the floor next to one of the bookshelves was a brightly colored longboard. _Shit._

“Babe you can tell me if you fell off and hit your head while riding yesterday. I promise I wont get mad like last time. I just want to make sure you’re ok. You’re kinda having classic signs of a concussion right now and I’m getting really worried. I think we should go to the doctor.” Lex talked slow and clear like she was making sure Tobin understood what she was saying.

“What? NO! I didn’t fall off-” Once again she was cut off but this time it was mystery girl getting up off the couch in a flurry. She raced through the house grabbing various things and throwing them into a bag all the while muttering furiously to herself.

“Stupid longboard...shoulda taken the wheels off and hidden them when I had the chance....things a death trap...KNEW something like this was going to happen...again...I should have seen the signs earlier, ugh her mother is going to kill me!...now where’d I put my phone?...”

Tobin just watched her dejectedly. No matter what she said at this point it would just reinforce the girl’s theory about a concussion. And Tobin was tired. Maybe the doctor would be able to help. Tobin will tell them the situation and they’ll be able to figure out a conclusion. Doctors are practical.

Lex had finished running around and was now feeding “Harry”. The cat was eyeing Tobin like he knew exactly what was going on. She wasn’t his owner. At least someone knew the truth. In the midst of their stare down Tobin was finally able to get a good look at him. He was black, extremely fluffy, with green eyes and a white patch of fur in a squiggly shape right smack in the center of his forehead. _That explains the name._ Tobin didn’t want to admit to herself that she was kind of proud, the people in this universe were such nerds.

Lex finished dolling out the food and stood up, looking at Tobin. “Ready to go?”, she asked.

Tobin just shrugged. She looked down at her feet and was reminded that she only had one sock on. Where were her shoes? Tobin didn’t even need to ask before the girl disappeared down the hall and reappeared in front of her a pair of nike’s in hand accompanied by a fresh pair of socks. She handed them over and hovered like she was worried Tobin had forgotten how to tie her shoelaces. Even though Tobin was grumpy and frustrated she felt kind of bad for taking it out on the girl. Clearly in whatever world this was, or whatever was happening, she cared a great deal about Tobin and she didn’t deserve being yelled at. Satisfied seeing Tobin had tied them successfully, Lex started to walk away but Tobin stopped her. Her arm had instinctively shot out and grabbed the girls wrist. Tobin felt a shock of electricity run through her as soon as their skin made contact. She gasped softly, not expecting it. She looked up at the girl sheepishly and let go. 

“Thank you,” she muttered, embarrassed at her reaction. Her hand tingled where she had touched her. Lex just looked at her with a soft expression on her face. She smiled at her in response and it made Tobin’s chest tighten. Lex reached down and softly cupped Tobin’s cheek in her hand. The contact again made Tobin’s skin burn in the most curious way. The sensation was so unexpected. No one has ever made her feel like that before with just a look, an innocent touch. Tobin was suddenly jealous of parallel universe Tobin. How did she get a life like this while Tobin had nothing. Not nothing of course, she had her family and her 2 friends and she wouldn’t trade them for the world but compared to this life? It made her incredibly sad to think back to her empty apartment. No color, no life, no Lex. The girl seemed to read the sad expression on her face and brought her out of her reverie.

“Let’s get going yea? We’ll stop and pick you up something to eat on the way to the doctor ok?” She softly ran her thumb across Tobin’s cheek. Tobin couldn’t tell if the contact was to make her feel better or Tobin but either way it was working. Her touch seemed to calm the both of them. Simultaneously they let out a breath, like going so long without touching each other had caused some sort of tension and just the simplest of gestures eased it, allowing them to breathe easy again. Tobin wanted to melt into her palm, finally feeling at peace. 

Lex stroked her cheek one last time, like she was savoring the connection. Tobin could see all of the love and worry overflowing in the girls eyes and it made her want to cry. Parallel universe Tobin was so incredibly lucky. And she didn’t deserve this. What ever happened last night took her away from her world so Tobin could only assume that the other Tobin was there in hers. And that broke her heart more than looking into Lex’s eyes and seeing all of the love that was there. Because other Tobin would be there alone, and afraid, and missing this beautiful girl who loved her so much. Tobin, unable to hide the guilt and shame, bowed her head and closed her eyes, trying to stop the welling in her eyes.

Lex dropped her hand and turned away, grabbing her bag off the table. She turned back to Tobin and held her hand out, silently asking if Tobin was ready. Tobin took a deep breath in and took her outstretched hand. Lex lifted her off the couch and she stood there for a second making sure she was ok to walk after such a roller coaster of a morning. Before she started walking though she realized something.

“Hey, L-Lex?,” she stuttered. _Smooth Tobin._ Definitely not her finest hour in the talking department but when was it ever? The girl just gave her a curious look. “Uh...I mean...I...What’s your full name?”

Lex gave her a look that she couldn’t quite decipher. It was a mix of worry, and sadness.

“My full name is Alex. Alex Morgan”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh and I was curious if anyone was interested in listening to the songs that inspired me to write this. I'll either post one with a chapter or at the end maybe do like a master playlist or something, thoughts? =)


	4. Good Friends Are Hard to Come By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin gets her head checked and meets some new friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all once again for all of the love!! Can't express how awesome that is!! I'll try to work on making the updates longer, also check back for an edit with a couple of songs to go along with the first 4 chapters, like a soundtrack if you will!=)

Realization hit Tobin like a ton of bricks. _Alex Morgan, of course!_

“A-Alex Morgan, like forward for the Western New York Flash, Alex Morgan?” Tobin was so confused. Well even more than she already was.

The girl was just drafted, first round pick. She was good. Really good. Even if she played for an opposing team. She had just watched her the night before when her team played the Thorns. Tobin couldn’t believe she didn’t recognize her before. _Wait if she plays for the Flash did that mean?_

“A-Alex?”, she has GOT to stop studdering, “ Am I still in Portland? or?...” _Better. Sort of._

Alex gave her a small smile and she looked a little relieved that Tobin recognized her name but confused at the question. “Yes we’re in Portland. And it’s more like Alex Morgan, forward for the Portland Thorns! Wouldn’t want to play anywhere else, this is THE soccer city.” _Interesting. Things really are different here._ Tobin was slowly accepting the idea about a parallel universe. It freaked her the hell out but that seemed to be the best explanation so far.

Tobin had a million questions: how did they meet? How did someone as gorgeous as Alex Morgan end up falling for someone like Tobin? How long have they been together? How did their families react? Was she still working at the office? Tobin wanted to ask all of these questions but didn’t know if she wanted to know the answers. She was already jealous of Tobin 2.0’s life. She didn’t know if she could handle anymore just yet. So she kept her thoughts to herself. Alex seemed to take her silence as apprehension.

“Hey Tobin if you don’t feel comfortable with me taking you to the doctor I can call one your sisters to take you? Or your mom?” She looked at Tobin with a nervous gaze. “I just don’t want you to feel awkward or scared or..”

It was Tobin’s turn to interrupt Alex. “No, I’m ok, I promise.” And she was. Kind of. Given the circumstances. Tobin could tell Alex was freaking out on the inside, she could practically hear her thoughts racing. While she was still reeling from everything that had happened that morning she realized just how scary it must have been for Alex too. Her world had been turned upside down in a second when Tobin had said that she didn’t know who she was. She couldn’t imagine what that must have felt like. Probably a little like how she was feeling now. Tobin was still trying to figure out what was happening but there was no doubt in her mind that Alex was being 100 percent sincere with her emotions. She could see it in her eyes just how panicked she was. Somehow Tobin was here and she wasn’t Alex’s Tobin. Alex just didn’t know that. The guilt came rushing back to her. 

She looked at Alex with wide eyes, trying to convey she doesn’t know what. That she was sorry? She was scared but not because of her? Well a little because of her but not the way Alex thought. Alex just stared back at her a look of uncertainty on her face.

“Alright well let’s get you to the doctor, I know you must be starving too!” And with that Tobin followed Alex out to the car. Alex called the doctor's office on their way out to let them know they were coming. Tobin could tell Alex was trying to make sure she was ok because she kept glancing back at Tobin every 2 seconds.

The ride to the doctor’s office was fairly uneventful until they stopped by a local cafe to pick up a quick breakfast. Alex got a large coffee to go. She wouldn’t let Tobin have coffee. Something about not wanting Tobin to have caffeine before she was assessed by the doctor blah blah blah. Tobin was unamused. Anyone who denies anyone coffee is a traitor in her opinion. Coffee is the elixir of life. Today of all days she needed coffee. How was she supposed to handle all of this without coffee? She told Alex as much. Alex just rolled her eyes.

They arrived at the doctor’s office 15 minutes later. Tobin was still pouting. Alex had to coax her out of the car with the promise of the largest cup of coffee known to man as long as the doctor cleared her. As they walked in all of the staff seemed to know who Alex was. They were greeted warmly and immediately taken back to see the doctor. Tobin sat on the large table in the center of the room while Alex took a seat in a chair beside it. There were a ton of things to look at, but once again Tobin noticed some pictures displayed on a large cork board on one of the walls. There were a ton of athletes all posing with who Tobin could only assume was her doctor. There were quite a few with Alex in them, decked out in Thorns training gear, flanked by her teammates. Tobin recognized a few faces but couldn’t remember names. Tobin concluded it was one of the doctors from the medical staff that assisted with the Thorns. 

Finally the doctor came in and took a seat across from Tobin. He introduced himself as Dr. Murphy and proceeded to ask her a series of questions. Tobin let Alex answer most of them. She didn’t want to lie to him but couldn’t quite figure out how to say "I’m from a parallel universe, I don’t know how I got here and I want to go home." 

He assessed her head and couldn’t find any lumps, bumps, or bruises. Tobin kind of wanted to give Alex an I told you so look but she refrained. He ran her through a multitude of tests and scans and concluded she did have symptoms of a mild concussion even though there were no real physical signs. He said the memory loss was something that they should keep an eye on however. Amnesia is pretty common after a concussion but the after effects and time period vary. Dr. Murphy told Alex to make sure Tobin got plenty of rest, and didn’t do anything strenuous for the next couple of weeks. She needed to go about her normal routine as much as possible to try to bring her memory back but warned not to over do it. If her memory didn’t gradually come back they’d bring her in for more testing and move on from there. Tobin tried to ignore the hopeful look on Alex’s face. Once again she started to feel guilty. How was Alex going to react when Tobin’s memory didn’t come back? 

Throughout the entire ordeal Tobin kept fighting with herself on whether or not to broach the topic of alternate universes with Dr. Murphy. During a particularly boring stretch of time while she was lying on a table getting a scan done she tried rehearsing how she wanted the conversation to go. It ended with her determining that she herself would admit her for observation. She knew she sounded insane. If someone had come up to her and asked her her thoughts about it she would have told them it was impossible. But now? She doesn’t know what to think. She does know she has to figure out how to get back to her world. As much as Tobin wished she belonged in this world, with Alex, she didn’t. 

Finally, Finally! they were able to leave and Alex stopped to say her goodbyes. She thanked Dr. Murphy and went to open the door when Tobin looked at Alex with wide eyes once again. Alex looked back at her confused for a moment before she understood. With a heavy sigh she turned back around and addressed Dr. Murphy.

“Tobin would like to know if she is able to have coffee. She’s been upset with me since this morning, I wouldn’t let her have any.” Alex gave another eye roll, and did a poor job of hiding her amusement. Tobin looked at the doctor earnestly.

“I’m sorry Tobin when it comes to concussions we don’t recommend any caffeine, or alcohol. So be sure to avoid both. It’s for your well being I promise! It will aid in your recovery!”, he said with a look of pity on his face. 

This really WAS the worst day of Tobin Heath’s life. SHE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A CONCUSSION! 

With a sad thank you and a glum look, she headed out of the office while Alex called goodbyes to the staff. They reached the car and climbed in, sitting there for minute. It was awkward. Tobin didn’t really know what to say. She was afraid to look at Alex. Alex surprised her though by smiling at her and starting the car. 

“What do you say we go home and lay on the couch the rest of the day. Let’s just watch movies and relax, that’s what Sunday’s are for right?” Tobin was not expecting that. She was expecting a play by play on how Alex was going to try to get her memory back. She was relieved to say the least. This girl just kept surprising her.

“Ok.” That was all Tobin could muster. She was exhausted, mentally and emotionally. She was grateful that Alex seemed to see that. 30 minutes later and she was splayed out on the couch while Alex was popping in the movie. Alex had just chosen one at random seeing as how Tobin was minutes away from unconsciousness. As the movie started playing Alex sat down on the couch leaving a good amount of space between the two. It made Tobin sad to see her so cautious when mere hours earlier she was watching her dance half naked in the kitchen. Tobin wanted to see her smile again. Tobin fell asleep thinking about what a great smile Alex had.

..

Tobin woke up to the sound of voices. One she recognized as Alex’s rasp but she couldn’t really make out the other ones. She opened her eyes slowly and blearily looked around the room. She saw Alex standing by the front door, door cracked, trying to keep two floating heads from peaking around the door. She heard a scuffle and then a “Kell please!” as someone shot passed the forward and into the room. Two others followed behind her, a little more slowly, as Alex grumbled having given up on trying to keep them at bay. Alex gave her an apologetic look.

“Toby!” Then blackness. Her vision was obstructed by someone leaping on her and smothering her, both of them falling back on the couch with a huff. She laid there still, trying not to freakout. She was already weird about her personal space being violated let alone by a complete stranger. Not soon enough she felt someone trying to pry the girl off of her but to no avail. Then she heard a “ here let me” and all of the sudden the girl shot up cackling with laughter at having just been tickled until she let go. 

Tobin came face to face with three women, all of whom looked completely different.

“Kelley way to smother the poor girl! She probably doesn’t even remember who you are didn’t you hear anything Alex told us? Be cool man!” A blonde with a soft voice spoke. Tobin looked over at her and her eyes widened. The woman was covered in tattoos. She was wearing dark combat boots, skinny jeans, and a tank top that showed off her full sleeve. She looked intimidating as hell but once she spoke Tobin knew she was a gentle soul. She instantly felt at ease. She looked to the woman standing to the left of her and her eyes got even wider.

“Uh... Alex why is Tobin staring at me like that?” The woman spoke, narrowing her eyes, an intimidating look on her face. She had long dark hair thrown up in a pony tail. She was wearing training gear like she had just come from the pitch and Tobin knew exactly who she was. 

Hope Solo was standing in her living room. THE Hope Solo. In her living room! _How is this even happening? Is she friends with Hope Solo?! Oh yea her GIRLFRIEND is Alex Morgan. Seriously how is all of this even fair?_ Tobin gulped at the look the goalie was giving her and everyone chuckled. 

“Maybe if you didn’t look so scary she wouldn’t be looking at you like that babe.” The girl that had jumped on her spoke in a teasing tone. She had long light brown hair with freckles peppering her cheeks. Tobin looked back and forth between the girl (had the blonde called her Kelley?) and Hope Solo a few times before it dawned on her. She did know the girl named Kelley.

“We work together!” Tobin exclaimed. Kelley beamed and threw a gloating look at the blonde with tattoos. She just rolled her eyes. “So we’re friends?” Tobin asked. They worked on the same floor. She was the one who always asked if she wanted to go out for drinks with her and some of her other coworkers. Kelley’s face fell slightly. 

“Best friends Toby! You’ll see, we’ll get you back to normal in no time!” Kelley smiled at Tobin who instantly felt bad. She gave a watery smile back not knowing what to say. Luckily Alex seemed to read the expression on her face.

"Tobs- sorry Tobin, Kelley, Hope, and Ashlyn just wanted to see how you were doing and came to drop off some provisions.” Alex had a bag in her hand that was filled to brim with candy and movies and other various get well soon items. There was even a stuffed squirrel with a ‘get well soon’ balloon peeking out of the top. Tobin felt her heart swell. It had been so long since she had friends around who cared so much about her. Lauren and Amy went above and beyond as friends but they both had moved away in pursuit of their dreams and left Tobin in the city by herself. Not that she blamed them she was so happy seeing them both happy and successful. But She had forgotten how nice it felt to be cared for even if she didn’t really know these people.

“Thank you, really. That means a lot.” She kind of felt like crying. She didn’t know if it was happy or sad tears but either way she was trying hard to control them. Alex seemed to once again read her well and started to usher the three women out with claims of getting her in bed, rough day and all. Tobin smiled again at them as they looked down at her sitting on the couch. All of them seemed to be trying to express the same sentiment. They missed their friend, and they hated seeing her so lost and confused. Tobin willed the tears away but it was a losing battle. As she heard Alex ushering everyone out of the door she felt a few tears escape and before she knew it they were streaming down her cheeks. Her heart hurt and she was so overwhelmed she couldn't help but let out a sob. Alex closed the door and rushed over to her. She sat down on the couch next to her and tentatively reached out and started rubbing circles on her back. That was all Tobin needed before she dove on to Alex, head buried in her lap, arms clutching at her waist.


	5. Anywhere But Here Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin finally deals with the emotional day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Took me a bit longer to update this time. I work retail and underestimated how much this holiday season was going to kick my you know what. Next update will hopefully be soon! Thank you thank you thank you for all of the love and comments!! ALSO: For this chapter I suggest listening to "Anywhere But Here" by SafetySuit. =)

Sobs wracked through Tobin’s body, the emotions of the day finally catching up with her. Her chest was tight and she couldn’t take in air fast enough. Her breaths came out in short gasps, broken up by the occasional sharp intake of breath. Tobin couldn’t wrap her mind around anything substantial, she just saw flashes of the day that had quite literally turned her world upside down. The more she remembered the more upset she got, which spurred on even more sobbing and faster breathing. She was on the verge of becoming hysterical, finally letting her emotions get the best of her. She knew she was having a panic attack.

Trying to calm herself down, she began taking longer, deeper breaths. She tried to focus more on her surroundings than her thoughts but that seemed to backfire on her greatly. She inhaled deeply and could smell a faint vanilla scent and realized she was still buried in the arms of Alex. Alex, the girl who was quite literally the girl of her dreams. A girl who in her normal life would never give her the time of day. A girl who was very clearly in love with someone who was not Tobin. Tobin was straight laced and practical. She never did anything she wasn’t supposed to. She lived her life like she knew how. And that was to get up, go to work, make an honest living, come home, go to bed. She had a good relationship with her family, and never did anything that would disappoint them. Sure she was lonely but there were a lot of people who were lonely. She would be just fine. Until she woke up this morning. And met Alex. Beautiful Alex, with long flowing hair and bright blue eyes that twinkled, SERIOUSLY TWINKLED, something Tobin had only read about in books. Alex, the girl who was dancing freely and confidently in her kitchen, not caring that any minute someone could catch her. Alex, who was so caring and overwhelmingly gentle, who had a softness to her presence that was instantly reassuring. Alex, who made her heart race in ways Tobin never expected possible. Alex, whose mere touch sent sock waves through her entire body like she was never fully living until the second their skin touched, miraculously giving her life. Earlier in the day, Tobin had mistaken everything for a dream. Now she was thinking it more and more akin to a nightmare. To have and to hold the life she could have had, knowing it was not truly hers. She chose to live her life in solitude. And now she was seeing the repercussions.

She started breathing rapidly again, the tears still flowing. Up until this point, Alex had remained still letting Tobin purge everything she needed to, a steady hand painting circles on her back. As soon as she felt Tobin getting worked up again however, she started murmuring something in soothing tones, head reaching down to rest on the top of Tobin’s head. It took Tobin a second to realize that she was actually softly singing lyrics to a song.

_“Is this the end of the moment or just a beautiful unfolding_

_Of a love that will never be or maybe be...”_

Tobin focused all of her energy on listening to Alex.

_“Everything that I never thought could happen or ever come to pass and I wonder_

_If maybe, maybe I could be all you ever dreamed, cause you are_

_Beautiful inside, so lovely and I can't see why I'd do anything without you, you are_

  _And when I'm not with you, I know that it's true_

  _That I'd rather be anywhere but here without you...”_

Tobin felt her whole being relax against Alex, who was gently rocking her as she sang. Focusing on Alex helped her breathing start to regulate. Her mind went numb, tuning out anything that wasn’t the amazing girl holding her. Tobin allowed herself to be enveloped by the sweet scent, the feel of cotton on her cheek slightly dampened by her tears, and the sound of Alex’s raspy voice. Tobin remained focused on everything surrounding her until Alex had finished the song and was now humming lightly, almost to herself. Tobin didn’t realize that Alex had been stroking her hair until she stopped.

Tobin sniffed and pulled away gingerly, daring a glance up at Alex through glassy eyes. They locked eyes and for a second Tobin thought about telling Alex the truth, everything from brownies to blackouts. She couldn’t bring herself to do it though. Instead she found her voice and asked hoarsely, “ What song were you singing? I don’t think I’ve heard that one before.”

Alex looked at her sadly. Tentatively, she replied, “ You had it playing in the car when you came to pick me up for our first date. It was on in the background, and I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t remember even if, you know,” she gestured at Tobin’s head, “ but it’s one of the things I remember vividly.” She paused like she was debating with herself on whether or not she should go on.

“Have you ever had one of those moments that was just so perfect that you had to stop and physically remind yourself that what was happening was real? That it was almost too good to be true? That was one of those moments. I got into the car, after recovering somewhat gracefully from tripping on the curb, face beet red and you smiled at me with this megawatt smile. No one had ever smiled at me like that, it was so genuine. And I instantly felt all of my nerves go away. We laughed at my blunder and then suddenly in all seriousness you looked me right in the eye and said ‘ I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist falling for me but, damn, that was quick!’ and you gave me this cheeky smile. That look is one I’ll always remember. At first glance you looked happy and confident but I could see how your hands had to tighten on the steering wheel to keep them from shaking. You were as nervous as I was, but we both felt the unmistakable pull we felt for one another. The song started playing and all I could think was this is it. This is the perfect moment. And we sat there for a second just looking at each other, hearts pounding, unable to wipe the stupid grins off our faces. It was an intense feeling to say the least, but I knew. I knew in that moment that I had never felt anything like how I was feeling sitting in that car with you. And you felt it to. ” she stopped to laugh softly. Her smile faded a bit as she continued, “ So every time I’m upset or having a bad day I listen to that song and everything seems to right itself. I thought maybe it would help you too.”

Tobin was speechless. Hearing Alex talk about them, about their start and their unmistakable bond, made Tobin wish more than anything that she was her Tobin. The Tobin that was confident and fun and made people laugh. She wished with all of her might that she was the one who did those things that Alex had just descibed. But she wasn’t. And she vowed from that moment forward to get Alex’s Tobin back, to reverse whatever happened that landed her in this surreal situation. This girl deserved that.

“I don’t think I’ve ever told you that before,” Alex mused. Her eyes had a far away look in them, like she was reliving the moment that she had just described. She shook her head, and refocused her sapphire eyes on Tobin again, who gave her a small smile.

“I’m really glad you did. And thank you, the song did help.” Tobin murmured.

Alex smiled and nodded her head. She found one of Tobin’s hands and gave it a light squeeze. Then she was up, pulling Tobin up with her.  
“Let’s get you propped up in bed, I’ll make you something to eat.” Tobin was too drained to protest so she followed as Alex led her into the bedroom. Alex tucked her in, and made sure she was comfortable. She asked if her head hurt and if she needed anything for it but Tobin just shook her head no. With that Alex made her way to the kitchen, not even asking Tobin what she wanted to eat. Tobin was okay with that. She really didn’t feel like making any decisions at the moment. She was grateful that Alex seemed to understand that she didn’t want to talk about what had just happened. It should have freaked her out just how much the girl seemed to read her mind but she couldn’t quite muster up the energy for it. After a couple of minutes, and listening to Alex tinker around in the kitchen, Tobin laid in bed refusing to take in her surroundings just yet (if the living room was overwhelming what with all of the changes Tobin couldn’t even begin to try to handle the bedroom). Luckily Alex appeared food in hand just as her resolve was crumbling.

“Made your favorite, grilled cheese with the crusts cut off. I threw in some fruit for good measure, so eat it,” she said trying to look stern but failing greatly. Tobin wasted no time in popping a grape into her mouth and Alex smiled triumphantly. Tobin suppressed a laugh. Her emotions were all over the place today. But it was good, Tobin instantly felt lighter.

Before she could say "thank you", a black mass hopped up on the end of the bed but froze as soon as he saw Tobin. The cat looked at her with wide eyes and arched his back, fur standing on end. With a loud meow, he scampered off the bed and bolted into the hallway. After a second, Tobin just continued popping grapes into her mouth like nothing happened. She had more pressing matters to worry about than a cat with an admittedly cool name. Alex however looked distraught.  
"Seriously, what has gotten into him? He's been acting weird all day...he’s usually so happy after I feed him..." Alex trailed off as she followed the cat out into the hallway and came back moments later with her own sandwich. She sat down on the other side of the bed and they ate in silence. After a minute or two Alex reached over onto her side table and picked up a remote. She turned on the tv that was facing the bed, and immediately the room was lit up from the glow of the television. Tobin never had a tv in her bedroom, she never saw the point in it. But sitting there in the comfy bed, eating her grilled cheese, she had to admit it was pretty nice. Alex flipped through a couple of channels before finally landing on one with an excited clap.

"Yes! Friends! Ooh good it just started." And with that Alex sunk back into the pillows, breaking off pieces of her sandwich and nibbling at them. Tobin kept the smile that was threatening to break free to herself. The opening credits started playing. Simultaneously, Tobin and Alex clapped along with the theme song. Both looked at each other, with shy smiles on their faces. It all felt so natural and domestic to Tobin. It was amazing how easy she fell into a rhythm with Alex. Trying not to let her thoughts cloud her mind again she focused on the episode that was currently playing. After a couple of episodes, Tobin started feeling drowsy. She looked over at Alex and saw that she was slowly loosing consciousness too. She shifted and forgot that she had her empty plate in her lap. It fell to the floor with a clatter and Alex sat up in a rush. She looked over at Tobin with concern in her heavily hooded eyes and asked, " You ok, babe?" in a groggy voice.

Tobin didn't know if she could get used to the pet names. It threw her off hearing anything other than Tobin, or in certain circumstances Tobs. She knew Alex had been trying to catch herself all day but in her sleepy state she had let it slip. Tobin decided to not think about it for the time being and chose instead to focus on getting ready for bed.

"Sorry, forgot the plate was in my lap...hey uh which drawer is mine? You know for clothes?...To sleep in?...", MAN she was awkward. Alex hopped up immediately though and started apologizing. "Sorry!! I keep forgetting...they're supposed to be in here," she pointed to two top drawers in a dresser on the far side of the room, "but it tends to be of no use, our clothes just end up getting mixed up no matter what we do. Besides, your clothes are better." And with that she pulls out two UNC shirts and two pairs of shorts for the both of them. "Your toothbrush is the green one hanging up on the inside of the mirror in the bathroom if you'd rather change in there?", she added as she handed the clothes to Tobin. Tobin just nodded her head and turned to make her way into the bathroom. 

She found her toothbrush right where Alex had said it was and brushed her teeth. While she was washing her face, she paused to get a good look at herself. She looked exactly the same as she always did. _Just Tobin._ She sighed, fighting off her thoughts and dried her face. Cautiously, she opened the door and saw Alex sitting on the edge of the bed, already changed. She traded places with Tobin and started her nightly routine. Tobin meanwhile got into bed and relaxed into the covers. There was that faint vanilla scent again. It was already becoming a comforting smell to Tobin. She inhaled deeply and felt her eyes close. She heard Alex come out of the bathroom and tip toe across the room. Tobin peaked up at her. Alex had a pillow and a blanket tucked underneath her arms. Tobin looked at her with a confused expression on her face.

"I thought I'd sleep on the couch tonight, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I know today was a rough day, so get some sleep and we'll figure everything out tomorrow ok?" Alex was clearly fighting with herself on whether or not she should say anything else. She hovered in the doorway for a second, not quite looking at Tobin. The girl’s face was half covered in shadow but Tobin could see enough to see the look of utter sadness pass across her face. Guilt crushed Tobin so swiftly she felt a lump rise up in her throat. This girl, this beautiful girl was going out of her way to make sure she was ok and Tobin couldn't handle it. Just as she started to turn around to head out of the room, Tobin spoke.

"I'm sorry, for everything. I know this must be hard on you, but thank you for taking care of me. I don't want to kick you out of your bed though..." Tobin didn't know what she wanted. She knew sharing a bed with Alex would make things even more complicated, if that were even possible. But she did feel bad for kicking her out of her bed. She didn’t have to worry though, Alex was standing firm on her decision.

“No, it’s ok, really. The couch is pretty comfortable, we’ll figure everything out in the morning. Everything’s going to be ok.” She said with a half hearted smile. With that she gave Tobin one last longing look and padded down the hall into the living room. Tobin listened to Alex making up her makeshift bed for several minutes. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on the only thing that had gotten her through what could only be described as one of the most perplexing days of her life. Once again letting that intoxicating smell lull her into complacency, she fell asleep to the memory of bright blue eyes. What she didn’t hear in her slumber however, was the faint sound of soft sobbing coming from the direction of the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright here are a list of songs that I've been listening to as I write. There are a couple that heavily influenced me and there are some that I just like and kind of go with the piece. Tell me what you think! I'll add a new song every chapter. They're not necessarily corresponding to the chapter number more like going with the flow of fic.  
> 1). "This is the Thing"...Fink  
> 2). "Farewell and Goodnight"...Birdy  
> 3). "I'm Not the One"...The Black Keys  
> 4). "Little Do You Know"...Alex and Sierra  
> 5). "Anywhere But Here"...SafetySuit


	6. Moment of Insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin loses it a little

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!! So sorry it has been so long thank you everyone who commented and asked about when an update was going to be. Life is crazy and it took me waaaay too long to be able to sit down and finish this chapter! Hopefully I'll be able to get into a routine but I'm not leaving this story unfinished! Thank you for reading and any and all feedback is welcome! =))

Tobin woke up the next morning to a searing headache. She barely opened her eyes before squeezing them shut tightly, the sunlight pouring through the windows making her head throb. She grimaced and clutched her head. Using her hands as a shield, she tried again this time with a little more success. She peered around the room slowly, searching for what had woken her up. Her eyes narrowed as they landed on the culprit. Harry had taken up residence at the end of the bed. He was looking at her with equally narrowed eyes. He seemed to be thinking something. Tobin assumed he was plotting her demise.

Before Tobin could do anything more than roll her eyes, which _ow_ , she made a mental note not to do that again, the door opened a little wider revealing a tiptoeing Alex. Alex made it half way to the bed before she realized Tobin was awake and looking at her. She stopped suddenly looking sheepish. Tobin took a moment to take in her appearance and she frowned slightly. She was dressed in her Thorns training gear and she looked tired, like she had been tossing and turning all night. Her eyes were slightly red and puffy. Before the guilt could start to crush her, Alex spoke.

“Oh good you’re awake! Sorry, I was just going to leave this on the nightstand so you could sleep.” She handed Tobin a folded up piece of paper. “I have to go in for training, but I’ll only be gone for a couple of hours. I called your office and told them what happened. I had to use some of your sick leave but they’re giving you the week off for now. I also talked to your mom, she says call her sometime today when you’re feeling ok. There’s plenty of food in the fridge but I asked Kelley to stop by during her lunch break to check on you and bring you some food. How are you feeling? Headache? Nausea? Let me go get you something anyway in case you need it...” She trailed off as she rushed out of the room only to return within seconds. She put a couple of bottles of medicine on the nightstand, as well as a bottle of water and reached into her pocket and pulled out a cell phone.

“Almost forgot, here’s your cell phone, my number is in there so call or text me if you need anything. It’s uh saved under ‘Pumpernickel’,” Alex blushed at the embarrassing nickname. “I’ll uh have to tell you that story later. Everyone else’s number is in there too, of course.” Alex paused for a second before continuing on her rant. “Are you sure you’re going to be ok? Maybe leaving you alone is going to be a bad idea, I should just call and tell coach I need to stay home with you, he’d understand right? He likes you better than me...”

Tobin was still reeling a little from the onslaught of information, not to mention being stuck on the nickname pumpernickel, _seriously what DORKS_ , but focused enough for a second to stop Alex before she hurt herself worrying too much.

“Hey, no it’s ok,” she croaked. She cleared her throat and tried again. “I’ll be fine, promise, I have a little headache but nothing painkillers wont solve. Don’t get in trouble with the coaching staff they need you. I’ll be fine.” Truth is she wasn’t fine but no need to tell Alex that.

Alex looked skeptical but started to turn away none the less. She stopped at the door and turned back to Tobin, again with that stern look on her face. Tobin suspected Alex tended to give her a lot of stern looks.

“Text me every hour please to let me know you’re alive and doing ok, alright? I’ll let you know when I’m headed home.” She waited for Tobin to nod her head yes and her face relaxed. With that she was bustling out the door training gear in hand, locking the door on the way out.

Tobin looked over at Harry with a bit of a lost expression on her face. What was she supposed to do now? Harry continued to look at her with those narrowed eyes. He started flicking his tail as she kept looking at him, annoyed expression on his face. Clearly he was going to be absolutely no help. Tobin just decided to ignore him. She reached over to her nightstand and picked up the tylenol. She took two with a swig of water and sat back against the pillows. As soon as her headache subsided, she was going to come up with a game plan. Until then she decided watching a little TV wouldn’t hurt.

She searched for the remote for a few seconds, finding it buried underneath the blankets on Alex’s side of the bed. Turning the TV on, she surfed until she found something worth watching: Sports Center. Familiar sounds filled the room and it was comforting. She closed her eyes just listening and before she knew it she was drifting back to sleep.  
...

Tobin was woken up by an obnoxious sound blaring from her phone. She bolted upright, heart racing as she haphazardly searched for the thing that she was pretty sure was giving her a heart attack. After successfully knocking multiple items on the floor (The remote, a pillow, a couple of pill bottles) she was finally able to locate it. Tapping the screen she saw it was a text from Alex. _Shit._ How long had it been since she fell asleep? Alex was probably checking up on her. She swiped her thumb across the screen to bring it to the home menu. Opening up the message, she saw that she was correct in her assumptions. Her eyes widened though when she realized she had missed five other texts. How could she sleep through the previous messages with that horrible noise?

**Hey it’s Alex. Haven’t heard from you yet and just wanted to make sure you were alright. Text me back when you get this please!**

**Hey....just checking up on you making sure you’re ok! Text me back please!!**

**Tobin....How are you doing? Everything ok?**

**Tobin!!! Hellooooo**

**You’re probably asleep aren’t you? Sorry just worried text me when you get this!**

**And finally....Tobin Powell Heath if you don’t answer me in the next 10 minutes I’m sending Kelley. She WILL break down the door if she has to. ANSWER ME PLEASE.**

Tobin rushed to text her back, fearing what would happen if she didn’t. 

**Sorry, I uh fell asleep, but I’m awake now. Obviously. Everything’s all good. Promise.**

Tobin shook her head. Who is awkward even through text? Well Tobin Heath of course. She hit send none the less not knowing what else to add. Alex responded immediately. 

**Good! You had me worried. Does your head still hurt? Did you take anything for it? Have you eaten anything? You should eat something. AND STAY HYDRATED but NO. COFFEE.**

Tobin chuckled. This girl was insane but she had to admit it kind of made her like her more. Feeling a little more bold, she texted back.

**Ok MOM. Yes I took something for my head and no it doesn’t hurt anymore. I’m about to go eat something, and I’ve already downed half a water bottle.**

Tobin waited for Alex’s response but after Alex didn’t respond back after a couple of minutes, Tobin got curious and decided to scroll through “her” phone to see if she had anything familiar on it while she waited. There were a lot of game apps and sports network apps. That was pretty much the same. She seemed to have the same taste in music which was promising but there were a lot of bands on there that she hadn’t heard of. She suspected Alex had a lot to do with that. The contact list was three times the size as hers though and that made her a little sad. Clearly, this Tobin made friends a lot easier than her. Finally, she opened up the photo stream, curious to see what was important enough for her to document. 

Back home Tobin’s photos on her phone were pretty non existent. She had a few with her family, but other than that it mainly consisted of pictures from Amy or Lauren who liked to send her pictures of random things they think she’d find funny. She never really understood people’s fascination with taking pictures. People took pictures of everything from their food, to their surroundings, to themselves. She guessed she just didn’t feel the need to capture memories like everyone else seemed to. Or maybe she just didn’t make enough memories to want to remember them. 

Pushing her sad thoughts from her mind, she refocused on scrolling through the photos. Sure enough there were pictures of meals, and sunset views. There were tons of pictures of the ocean and the sand, beach days with Alex no doubt. Every couple of pictures showcased her and Alex, faces smushed together, with happy smiles. It really freaked Tobin out seeing her face in these pictures knowing it wasn’t really her. She tried not to look at them for long, instead swiping to the next one. There were cat pictures, lots of cat pictures. And a lot with what Tobin assumed to be all of their friends. She recognized Kelley, Hope, and Ashlyn with a million other people she didn't know. They clearly enjoyed the outdoors, too. There were of course the hundreds of beach pictures, but also pictures of them hiking, walking in the park, playing around on the soccer fields. Also, Tobin obviously had a thing with Alex in her soccer kit. There were tons of just Alex in her Thorns uniform, during training, during games, all different angles. She had to admit she couldn’t blame her. If she had a girlfriend that looked like that she guessed she’d be taking pictures too. 

The photo reel seemed to scroll for days. She stopped, deciding to take a break and hit the back button. A menu popped up with different album titles. She saw one that was simply titled “Lex <3” and her curiosity was piqued again. She opened the folder and she had to swallow hard. The album was appropriately named. Every picture was of Alex. Gorgeous blue eyes stared up at her and unable to help herself, she clicked on the first one. The photos varied from pictures that Tobin had clearly taken to ones Alex had sent her. These had to be Tobin’s favorites. They were innocent enough, mainly close ups of Alex’s face with various facial expressions. Devious smirks and angles clearly meant to tantalize filled the screen. She continued scrolling stopping every other picture to marvel at how unfair this all was, until....

Tobin gasped and dropped the phone in her lap out of shock. Heat rushed to her cheeks until her entire face was burning. Hell. She was going to Hell. Was she already in Hell? Because it was HOT AS HELL in here. Embarassment consumed her along with a heavy dose of guilt and a dash of _fuck fuck fuck I shouldn’t of seen that._

Alex had taken a racy picture (to put it lightly). Alex was in some sort of robe type thing. Not closed. Big blue eyes boring into the camera. Long, wet hair swept across her shoulder barely covering anything but just enough to not show everything. It was enough for Tobin though. Never before had she seen a picture like this, let alone been on the receiving end of one. This girl was... _unreal_. And that was the last straw for Tobin. She was going home. Today. Something was wrong with a world when all of her fantasies were true. Nothing good could come from everything being perfect like it seemed to be and she was not sticking around to find out what would happen. Tobin Heath didn’t deserve this. She was just Tobin. 

Picking up the phone quickly she exited out of the photo and the album and returned it to the home screen. Alex still hadn’t texted her back so she assumed she had to put her phone down and actually go train. Not that Tobin was complaining, she didn’t know how to handle talking with Alex even through text right now. She sat on the bed ready to make a game plan. 

She decided to start with recounting her day, the day before all of the madness. It was just a rainy saturday, not something out of the ordinary for her or Portland. She thought back to what she was doing and again nothing out of the ordinary. She sat around her house all day watching TV, reading, making brownies. Was it the brownies? She had been drinking wine too, could it have been a combination? She had been a little sadder that week than normal. Maybe her thoughts had combined with the wine and her making the brownies to be some kind of magic brownie (and not the fun kind). Not that she had ever had one of those in college. She knew it sounded absolutely ludicrous but she didn’t really have much to go on. 

Making a snap decision and feeling a bit like a woman possessed Tobin hopped out of the bed and raced down the hall making her way into the living room. She searched the various surfaces until she found the remote to the TV. She punched various buttons trying to turn it on, the thing being one of those newfangled fancy types with way too many buttons. Finally she did something right and it switched on immediately popping up sports center. One good thing about being here with a soccer player. Turning up the volume a little too loud just in case it was an important part of the process she sprinted into the kitchen and started to pull open the cabinets in a flurry looking for ingredients, pulling down something every couple of seconds. She was grateful she knew her brownie recipe by heart. It was simple enough and luckily they seemed to have all of the ingredients she’d need. Now all she needed was...

“A-ha!”, she shouted. On top of the fridge she spotted an unopened bottle of wine. It looked a little pricier than what she normally got but she wasn’t complaining. Rifling through the drawers looking for a wine opener, she got distracted by all of the random things they seemed to have accumulated. There were all kinds of gadgets in cutesy shapes, everything was brightly colored and so not what she had at home. Her favorite was a set of corn on the cob skewers that were in the shape of a cow. _Where does one even find something like that?_ Finally she was able to find the bottle opener (in the shape of a mustache). 

After struggling for a few seconds, she was victorious and poured herself a generous amount of wine in the first cup she came across. It was a large cup with one of those crazy straws running along the side of it. Feeling a little like she had fully lost her mind, she took a big swig and set to work on the brownies. Not caring about being precise she flung all of the ingredients into a mixing bowl just concentrating on taking a few sips of wine after every ingredient added. Flour covered the surface of the countertop, sprinkled with cocoa powder and sugar. Tobin was furiously mixing as she started to feel the effects of the wine. Making sure the oven was preheated, she poured the brownies in the pan, shoved them in the oven, and set the timer. 

Topping off her glass, she moved to the living room, a little less frantically and searched the shelves upon shelves of books and movies until she found what she was looking for. The complete box set of Friends. She found the right dvd, popped it into the player and sat back ready to wait out what she hoped was her last moments in this scary and confusing world. Hitting play on the right episode she took a couple of large sips of wine, letting the warm fuzzy feeling take over. After about 10 minutes or so she was on the verge of falling asleep. Wine always made her sleepy and she had had the perfect amount to whisk her away into dreamland. She was warm, curled up in the covers. That comforting smell was back again and she let herself start to drift off. She let her thoughts be consumed this time of her life at home, her simple clean apartment. Her neatly organized kitchen, and her quiet nights wrapped up on the couch with a good book or her Bible. She feel asleep hoping the buzzer would wake her up this time and she’d be back where she belonged. 

....

Tobin woke up stiff on the couch. She had fallen asleep with her neck crooked in a weird way and she could already feel the pull of the muscle and a twinge. She dared not to peak her eyes open not registering anything other than her pounding head and sore neck. Before she could muster up the courage to see if her bout of insanity had worked, she heard the faint sound of the Friends music playing in a loop and...

“Alex is just going to kill you.” 

Tobin’s eyes flew open to see a smirking Kelley standing over her, remote and keys in her hand and a bag of food in the other. 

_Shit._


	7. Kelley O'Hara Everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley helps Tobin in more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Lots of Kelley and a little O'Solo for ya

Tobin groaned and moved to sit upright on the couch, wincing at the pain in her neck. She rubbed her face in her hands and thought back to her momentary lapse in judgement (to put it mildly) and groaned again. She felt like an idiot. She glanced up at Kelley through her fingers. The freckled girl was taking a look around the apartment with a look of glee on her face. She started to chuckle as she looked back at Tobin, taking in her appearance. 

“Dude.” Kelley said. Her eyebrows were raised with an incredulous look on her face. She was clearly struggling to contain her laughter. 

“I’m all up for partying hard but it’s like 12 in the afternoon...on a Monday! And don’t you have a concussion? Alex is seriously going to murder you!”

Tobin groaned again, louder this time. She took a look around the apartment to survey the damage and it looked pretty bad. Kelley had, thankfully, turned the volume down on the TV, otherwise her head might have exploded. Things were scattered about the living room in a haphazard way, like someone had been searching for something. _Oh yea the remote._ Her cup with the crazy straw (which was so not helping her case) was still half full of wine, sitting on the coffee table next to the scattered pile of Friends DVDs, which were covered in sticky fingerprints. She heaved herself off the couch and peered into the kitchen. Flour seemed to cover pretty much every surface, even from where she stood in the living room. 

“Uh Tobin? What’s that beeping noise?...Is something burning?”

Kelley’s eyebrows moved even higher up on her forehead and her eyes widened.

“Shit! My brownies!” Tobin yelled. She rushed into the kitchen and wrenched open the oven to find her brownies burned to a crisp. She punched the button to turn off the oven and the timer, searching for an oven mitt. How had the timer not woken her up? Or the smell? She guessed the TV was a lot louder than she thought.

Kelley was right, Alex was going to kill her. She made a mess. Like _wow._ Not only were there ingredients everywhere but the contents of all of the drawers had been emptied in her search for a bottle opener. _Huh._ She really didn’t remember doing that. The combination of the wine and her frantic desperation really did a number on her. _And the kitchen apparently._

Kelley had followed her into the kitchen. She was outright laughing now and it just got louder the more she looked around.

“ _Dude._ ” She said again, breathless. “You really did hit your head hard. Brownies? Alex has a strict no cooking policy, you burn everything! Can I please be here when she gets home? The look on her face is going to be priceless!”

Tobin was not amused. As if the last day and a half hadn’t been hard enough, now she had to deal with that fact that not only had she attempted to get herself out of here but she had failed miserably. AND created a monstrous mess in the process. AND NOW she was being laughed at. She wanted to scream. SHE DIDN’T HAVE A CONCUSSION. THIS IS NOT HER LIFE. As much as she didn’t want to admit it to herself, she had really hoped the brownies were going to work. Now she was out of options.

Tobin hung her head, feeling defeated. She was at a loss. Taking pity on her friend, Kelley suppressed her laughter and walked over to Tobin, slinging an arm over her shoulders. Tobin tensed for a second before relaxing. 

“It’s ok, bud. I’ll help you clean up before Al gets home, she’ll never know what happened.” Kelley gave her shoulders a squeeze and let go. 

“Thanks.” Tobin said in a small voice.

Kelley nodded her head and tore off a couple of paper towels from the roll by the sink, reaching underneath it in the cabinet to grab some cleaner. 

“Oh and Paula Deen? You may want to go take a look in the mirror. You look like you just stepped out of a cheesy romantic comedy. Flour all over your face.”

Tobin just rolled her eyes. 

“Thanks”, she deadpanned.

....

It took them 20 minutes to clean the kitchen (and her face) and get rid of the evidence of Tobin’s brownie debacle. They righted everything in the living room and opened some of the windows to rid the apartment of the acrid smell of burnt brownies. Every so often Tobin could hear Kelley chuckle to herself, and she’d just roll her eyes again. _If she only knew._

Tobin contemplated telling Kelley everything. _What’s the worst that could happen?_ Kelley already thought she had hit her head hard enough to have lost her short term memories, plus her actions this morning weren’t exactly sane even for a person who hadn’t supposedly hit their head. _So what if she thinks I’m crazy, I can just chalk it up to a head injury. Can’t get worse right?_

Tobin just had to find the right moment. 

....

Wrong.

Kelley was looking at her like she’d grown two heads. “Tobs, know I love you when I say this but....you sound crazier than your straw right now...”

Tobin facepalmed and let out a huff. _Maybe this was a bad idea._  
....  
A few minutes before....  
....

They had just sat down on the couch. Kelley had pulled the now crumpled bag of food to her from it’s spot on the table and reached in, grabbing a couple of sandwiches and some cookies. She passed one of each over to Tobin. Tobin hadn’t realized just how hungry she was. Now that she had food in front of her, her stomach was going crazy. Probably why the wine was so effective. _God I’m such an idiot._

Kelley took a bite of her sandwich and through her mouthful she asked, “So, Ace of Cakes, tell me why the sudden urge to drink wine in the middle of the afternoon and make brownies?”

Tobin narrowed her eyes at Kelley. Kelley was clearly enjoying this way too much. 

She paused before taking another bite of her sandwich, thinking. Should she go for it? _May as well._

She started out cautiously.“I’ll tell you but I’ll have to start from the beginning so hear me out and I’m just asking you to please have an open mind...”, she said, pausing for Kelley’s response.

Kelley nodded her head for her to continue. She looked at Tobin with an attentive expression. Suddenly Tobin got super nervous. How was she supposed to start? She really didn’t think this through. Tobin had been subconsciously picking at her sandwich while she had a mini freak out in her head. Kelley cleared her throat to get her attention and raised an eyebrow.

“Tobs?...”

And with that Tobin launched into her story, starting with that Saturday night. She told her about the weather and the brownies. She explained the fear she felt when she woke up the next morning to a stranger in her kitchen. She described the resulting events of that day, from seeing the doctor, to falling asleep on the couch and waking up to more strangers. She tried to express to her exactly what she had been feeling after they left and Alex sleeping on the couch. And finally she walked Kelley through her morning and what she was trying to do when Kelley had walked in a mere 30 minutes earlier, apartment in disarray. She left nothing out, minus her accidentally seeing Alex’s dirty picture (she couldn’t bare to even bring it up). 

“So...I know it sounds like something out of a fantasy novel, but it’s the only explanation I can up with. My name IS Tobin Heath, and I don’t know why or how all of this is happening but you have to believe me when I tell you, this is not my life. I was just trying to get back home.” 

Tobin took a deep breath and let it out feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off her chest. Finally she had told someone everything she had been keeping to herself the past day and half and it felt really good to say it out loud.

It took Kelley a minute or two to respond. She was looking at Tobin trying to gauge whether or not she was joking. When Tobin kept looking at her earnestly and she couldn’t find a trace of deception that’s when Kelley finally responded.

....

“....you sound crazier than your straw right now...”

Tobin facepalmed and let out a huff. Maybe this was a bad idea.

How can she convey to Kelley that what she had just told her was true? Tobin had to think of a way to prove that she was not this Tobin. She looked back up at Kelley who was still giving her that look. 

“Look I know it sounds crazy. Believe me I know. But I’m telling you the truth!”

Tobin looked around wildly trying to thing of something, anything. Her eyes landed on Harry who was watching them from afar on top of one of the bookshelves. How long had he been there?

“Here!! Look, Harry hates me! Ever since yesterday morning he wont come near me except to hiss at me...”

Tobin stood up and walked over to the cat. As if on cue, the cats tail started to twitch and he let out a low, warning growl. The closer she got, the more his tail twitched until she got too close for his comfort. He hissed and hopped off the bookshelf and flew into the hallway. Tobin turned back to Kelley with a ‘see what did I tell you’ look. Kelley wasn’t impressed.

“Tobin. That doesn’t mean anything. You probably just forgot to feed him or something. You know that cat likes food more than people.”

Tobin groaned. _What now?_

She flopped back down on the couch.

“I’ll figure out a way to prove it to you! Until then can you just continue to have an open mind? Please?” She knew she sounded desperate, and to be honest she was.

Kelley now had a sad, sympathetic look on her face, and Tobin knew she didn’t really believe her. Kelley nodded her head though. 

“One more thing? Can you maybe not mention this to Alex? Until I figure things out at least. She’s worried enough as it is, I don’t want her to think things are even worse?” 

Tobin couldn’t bare the thought of hurting Alex even more than she already had. 

“Sure thing, buddy.” Kelley clapped her on the back and went back to her sandwich, a little more reserved than she was before. Her face was not animated like it had been and her brows were knit together like she was contemplating something. She glanced over at Tobin briefly and Tobin could see the worry in her eyes. Tobin deflated. She didn’t regret telling Kelley necessarily, she had just hoped for a better outcome. She’d find a way to prove it to her. She would.

....

After they sat and ate in relative silence, Kelley hung around for a little bit longer, claiming she had told their boss she was taking a long lunch. Tobin didn’t quite believe her though because she had stepped out for a minute to make a phone call and she suspected it had something to do with her. Kelley came back a few minutes later with a hard look on her face. While Tobin didn’t know her very well she could tell that this was pretty uncharacteristic of her. Immediately she felt bad for being the cause of it.

Thinking quickly to try to lighten the mood, Tobin decided to try to learn a little bit more about the girl and how her and Tobin 2.0 had become friends. She liked Kelley, and like Alex, could tell that she cared a great deal about her friend.

Tobin cleared her throat awkwardly to get the girl’s attention.

“So...last night when you were here, you said that we were best friends, right?” Tobin asked tentatively. Kelley looked over at her and gave a little nod. Tobin swallowed hard asked, “So how did we become friends?”

Kelley gave a small smile and cleared her throat. “Couple of years ago, wow has it already been years? We uh, went out for drinks one day after work. There were a couple of us who were regulars at a bar not to far from the office and finally after many declined offers you came out with us. It’s a sports bar and they were playing a Thorns game and we both started yelling after the ref gave a bad call and the rest is history.” She chuckled and continued. “Couldn’t get rid of you after that.” Finally, she smiled at the memory, a genuine smile and Tobin couldn’t help but smile herself.

“And what about Hope Solo? and Ashlyn?”

“You mean how did you become friends?”

Tobin just nodded her head.

“Well Ashlyn’s girlfriend, Ali, is on the team with Alex. She’s a defender. When you and Alex started dating, the two of you met at a team function of some sort and hit it off instantly. She owns a tattoo and clothing shop downtown. Interests are surfing, longboarding and basically anything badass. And soccer, of course. The three of us? Well we drive the other three crazy.” She started laughing and Tobin couldn’t help but join in. 

“And Hope Solo? Where does she come in?”, Tobin asked mentally cringing because could she be more of a fangirl?

“You know you can just call her Hope right? ‘Hope Solo’, you weirdo.” Kelley was mocking her. Tobin shrugged embarrassed. 

“Anyway, Hope and Ashlyn go way back, they actually used to train together before Ash got injured. Hope played for the Seattle Reign before the Thorns. They were in town for a game and Ash dragged her out with us afterward. She seems standoffish but she's pretty open once you get to know her. We all seemed to hit it off quickly. I like to think I’m the reason she stayed in this ragtag group of friends though.”

“Why you?”

“Because she’s crazy about me.” At this Kelley grins and Tobin can’t hide her surprise. 

“You guys are dating?”

“Going on a year and half, in a couple of weeks. Crazy right?”

“Yea crazy...”

Tobin saw the look of happiness pass across Kelley's face. Trying to keep the conversation going in this direction she asked, "So how did the two of you get together?"

Kelley's eyes lit up and Tobin knew this was the right question to ask. 

"You actually."

Again Tobin couldn't hide her surprise. "Me?" 

"We're together because of you." Kelley had a soft smile on her face. Tobin really wished she was the reason.

"How did...I'm mean what did I do?" 

"You challenged me!" Kelley laughed and continued. "The moment I met Hope I had a massive crush on her. And I wasn't subtle about it. I made jokes and innuendos every time all of us hung out. But as soon as Hope and I were alone, I'd freeze up. I couldn't talk to her. It was easy when we were all hanging out in a group but Hope is very intimidating. Especially without comic relief. So I'd get super nervous and self conscious. There was no way the best goalkeeper in the world could like someone like me like that. But for some reason she stayed."

Kelley paused a hard to read expression on her face.

"Even though I could barely get two sentences out when we were alone together, Hope seemed to enjoy my discomfort. Supposedly she told you she thought it was cute. I say supposedly because I'm still not sure that actually happened."

She paused again and gave Tobin a stern look. Tobin shrugged her shoulders, how was she supposed to know?

"I was oblivious but you weren't. You decided to take matters into your own hand. One day the group was in the park knocking around a soccer ball and you challenged Hope to some penalty kicks. After being completely shutout, and a sore loser, you challenged me to take some. I played forward in college but I was pretty rusty. The first 4 I shot were way off. Before I could take the last one though, you made a bet. If I made the last one Hope had to take me out on a date. I was so pissed at you!"

Kelley was laughing and shaking her head at the memory. Tobin really wished she HAD been there. 

"Stupid nervous, it took me forever to sike myself up. You yelled at me to hurry up and before I could think I rocketed it into the upper left corner, clean shot. Unbelievably, Hope dove the wrong way. She got up, hard look on her face. I was ready to kill you until she walked over to me and stopped right in front of me. She gave me a small smile and said 'I'll pick you up at 8' and winked at me. You had to pick me up off the ground!" 

Tobin was outright laughing now.

"I'm still not sure to this day if my shot was just amazing or if she purposely missed it. But I don't question it. You pushed me to take a chance and I am forever grateful to you because she's the best thing to ever happen to me. You run a close second though don't worry." Kelley gave her a warm smile and Tobin's heart was full. Even though she knew she wasn't the one to actually do anything, she saw how much she had been missing out on not trying harder to make friends. Whatever happened from then on out, she would try. For once the reward seemed worth it.

Tobin started to say something back to Kelley but before she could even get a word out they heard the front door open. Alex clambered in with all of her training stuff, tired look on her face. She brightened though when she saw the two of them on the couch. 

"Hey guys what's up?"

"Oh nothing just telling Tobin here how she was simultaneously the worst friend and the best friend all at once."

"Telling her the Hope story again huh?" Alex laughed. 

"Yup! Hey she asked! This time was more fun because she actually doesn't remember." 

Alex and Kelley laughed, while Tobin looked at Alex and gave her a small smile. They locked eyes and Tobin was once again flooded with warmth and her heart was full. Alex smiled back bigger this time and Tobin's breath caught. She was beautiful. Alex put down her stuff by the coffee table and made her way into the kitchen. She grabbed a glass and poured herself a cup of water. She started stretching her muscles and rolling her neck, muscles sore after such a hard workout. Again Tobin couldn't keep her eyes off of her. She was then reminded of the picture that she had accidentally seen a few hours before and her face started to get hot. Her eyes zeroed in on Alex's hand rubbing the back of her neck unable to stop the image from flooding her memory until...

"Uh guys?...What's up there on the ceiling?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm sorry it's been so long! In light of the recent events in Orlando, I just want to say that fan fiction has always been an outlet for me. First reading and now writing. This website and this story is a safe place. I can guarantee you this story will have a happy ending. There may be up and down moments but there will be a happy ending. I hope that if any of you are struggling with something, anything no matter what it is, this story, along with all of the other stories on here, helps you in any way. I hope it brings you peace. I know this website helps me. If any of you need to talk about anything I'm always here. My tumblr name is kidfromyesterday, my ask is always open. I may not be the best blogger but if I see an important message I'll always answer. Thank you for everyone who is reading and I hope you like it. love to everyone <3

Tobin, distracted by Alex sensually rubbing her neck, took a few seconds to respond. When her brain caught up to reality she realized both Kelley and Alex were looking at her, both different expressions on their faces. 

Alex had an eyebrow raised anticipating an explantation for what she probably already knew had happened.

Kelley on the other hand was a bit more comical. Her eyes were wide, an urgent look on her face as she seemed to be mentally trying communicate with Tobin. Tobin flicked her head back and forth between the two unable to form a coherent sentence. She stopped with a pleading look on her face directed at Kelley after seeing Alex huff and shift her weight clearly gearing up for something. Luckily, Kelley had been sitting in a position on the couch that allowed her back to be turned to Alex as she looked at Tobin. She saw Kelley start mouthing something, and it took her a second before she got it. 

She was mouthing “Use. Your. Head.”

_What on earth does that mean?_ Tobin thought. She shook her head, clearly confused.

Kelley rolled her eyes and mouthed, “You. Have. A. Concussion.”

_Oh right. ___

While under any other circumstance Tobin would have felt guilty for using a complete lie to her benefit, this instance was not one of them. Tobin didn’t want to test Kelley’s theory about Alex’s wrath.

She glanced up at Alex, who now had her arms crossed, and mumbled, “I don’t remember…”

“You don’t remember?” Alex responded, skepticism evident in her voice.

“Because…I have a…concussion?…”

She said it like a question which sounded lame even to her. Kelley rolled her eyes. Alex had gone quiet. Because Kelley’s back was still to her, she took the silence as a bad thing. She quickly mouthed, “ABORT. MISSION.” “I repeat…ABORT MISSION.”

But Tobin had a clear view of the blue eyed girl and could see that her eyes had softened. She was clearly conflicted with herself. 

Tobin decided to test the waters a bit and gave her the most innocent look she could muster with a hint of lost puppy eyes. That seemed to do the trick because before she knew it Alex was rushing over to her and bombarding her with questions about her day and how she felt and if she could remember anything. 

Tobin let out a breath and relaxed a little bit. Kelley gave her a thumbs up from behind Alex who had now wedged herself between the two on the couch. 

She answered Alex’s questions the best she could. She was a little more concerned with their proximity. Alex’s thigh was pressed up against hers and it took all that she could to concentrate on the words Alex was saying to her. She could feel goose bumps starting to form. It simultaneously felt foreign and wonderful all at the same time. She had never met anyone that made her feel so much just with a simple touch. 

She shivered, releasing some tension because her body was going haywire. Alex mistook the shiver for being cold. She stopped mid sentence and reached around Kelley to grab the blanket that had been draped over the back of the couch. Alex threw the blanket over her shoulders and immediately Tobin was engulfed in that intoxicating scent. She hummed in contentment before she could stop herself and Alex beamed. Kelley on the other hand was giving her a curious look.

Tobin tried to ignore it.

…

Shortly after, Kelley excused herself, something about needing to get back to work. Tobin panicked slightly, used to the comfort of having Kelley there. She had revealed her situation to Kelley and even if she didn’t believe her it was comforting knowing that someone had listened to her. Before she left though Tobin got up and walked to the door with her. She gave Tobin a tight hug, one that Tobin didn’t shy away from this time, and thanked her for her help. Kelley gave her a squeeze and told her to call or text her if she needed anything. 

Tobin nodded and Kelley turned to head out the door, not before calling a, “See ya later, Cake Boss!”

Tobin closed the door quickly but not before Alex heard her, and asked suspiciously, “Why’d she call you Cake Boss?” 

“No reason!”

…

The rest of that day wasn’t as eventful as that morning. Alex made Tobin call her Mom since she had failed to do so earlier in the day. Tobin was dreading having a conversation with her mother. She was afraid her family would be different and Tobin didn’t know if she could handle that. She was barely handling what was currently happening. But Alex insisted and Tobin couldn’t really protest.

Tobin’s mind was put at ease however, as soon as her mother answered. She was the same, sounded the same, said the same things. Even though she fretted and yelled at her, Tobin couldn’t help but smile. She was her mom. And nothing would change that, even trips to alternate universes. 

They talked just for a few minutes, Tobin rolling her eyes at every question: “What happened? What did the doctor say? Was she on any medication? What all could she remember? Did she want her to come over? Was Alex feeding her? Did she hide the longboard”, etc. 

Apparently as soon as Alex had called them, her mother and father had been ready to hop in the car to make the hour long trip to come over but Alex had assured them that she had everything taken care of and to give her a day or two to see how she was feeling, if her memory came back. Tobin had the suspicion that Alex had hoped it was a minor thing and that she’d be good as new in a couple of hours. The guilt that was constantly on the edge of pouring over began creeping up again. 

That not being the case though, her mother insisted on the trip and made plans with Alex for dinner on Friday (after her mother had also insisted she put Alex on the phone). Tobin was also obligated to call her everyday until then. 

Tobin was surprised with how easily Alex and her mother talked. There was a clear mutual love between the two, the way they addressed each other and talked with a warmness when referring to Tobin. It was clear her mother trusted Alex to take of her. 

Never in Tobin’s life did she think it was possible that she’d be in a situation like this.

Tobin grew up cultivating a strong faith that she held on to even to this day. It was something that she had learned from her parents who were loving, devout people. But the talk of sexual orientation had never come up. 

Tobin had always felt like she was different. From the time that she was in elementary school all the way up to her senior year of high school she had never realized that her feelings towards other girls were just that, feelings. She had no idea that actually liking someone of the same sex was a possibility until she had befriended a couple of girls who were on the high school soccer team with her. It was a wild concept to her, and something that later after doing research about late at night while her parents were sleeping, she found a lot of people frowned upon. Some even used her faith, her precious intimate thoughts and feelings reserved only for God, a personal connection that had guided her through her entire life, against her. And she was upset. Because how could anyone use something so pure and simple as what she had learned all of her life through God be used to hate others. She didn’t understand it. She had friends she loved who had confided in her that they were gay. She herself had had feelings for other women and it didn’t feel wrong. But she became afraid. Afraid of what her parents would think, her brother, her sisters, her teammates, the world really. 

By the time she had gotten to college she was introduced to a new world. She felt a freedom that she had never experienced before. She made friends on her new soccer team and again a few of them were very open about their sexuality. But it was different than it was in high school. No one cared who liked who, or what your religion had to say about it. She struggled internally with her feelings for a few months until she met Her. And then her world was turned upside down. And she finally let go of her reservations and fears and loved, like she was brought up to. But then it ended, badly, and she was forever changed. 

To this day she had never had a conversation about her sexuality with her parents. She knew her sisters had an idea but they had never really talked about it. The only people who knew about her were Amy and Lauren. She wasn’t ashamed to be who she was necessarily. She knew God loved her and she never once thought her faith was anything less. But she held on to a fear that ran so deep inside her that she could never break free of. The thought of possibly losing her family. So in result, she had resigned herself to the life of solitude that she currently lived.  
She watched Alex laugh at something that her mother had said on the phone. It was as if all of Tobin’s fears and dreams were being displayed in front of her and she was marveling at it. Alex looked over at her a smile still on her face as she talked to Tobin’s mother and caught her eye. Tobin looked at her with an intensity that Alex seemed to be trying to match.

Tobin felt a piece of her heart slot back into place. 

…

After getting off the phone with her mother, Tobin watched movies on the couch while Alex answered a few emails and made a few calls to her manager. Tobin was intrigued with how many big companies were looking for endorsements. She overheard Alex talking about a few of them and it amazed Tobin how easily she handled everything. Nike was major one. Nike was a sponsor for the NWSL, but having an endorsement deal with Nike was a completely different thing. 

 

She tried to hide her ‘aw’ as Alex came and sat down on the couch with a heavy sigh. She looked tired. She had changed out of her training gear a couple of hours before, now wearing sweats and a large, baggy UNC sweatshirt. Tobin thought she still looked beautiful. 

They didn’t talk a whole lot except to decide on what movie to watch next or what to order for dinner. They decided on Chinese, and remained silent until the food got there.

Tobin wanted to talk to her, but something was stopping her. She wanted to ask her about the Nike deal and what that meant and who else wanted her. Her lifelong struggle of talking to pretty girls, added with her current situation was a bad combination. Finally, their food arrived and they had settled down to eat. Again they ate in front of the TV and Tobin suspected it was to alleviate the awkwardness of not talking.

After they were both finished eating, Alex was clearly was fighting off sleep. Tobin caught herself staring at her out of the corner of her eye. It took only a few minutes and Alex was curled up on the opposite side of the couch, fully asleep. She had her arms wrapped around herself like she was protecting herself. To Tobin she looked uncomfortable so she decided to try to get her to the bedroom so she could get a better nights sleep. Tobin felt it only fair she sleep on the couch. 

She leaned down next to Alex trying to coax her awake. She shook her gently for a seconds before Alex barely opened her eyes, groaning and burying her head into the couch cushions. Tobin had to stifle a laugh because one word: cute. She tried again only to have Alex bat her hands away. Third time was the charm however, and she came face to face with grumpy Alex. 

So far she had met many sides of Alex. There was sexy snapback and flannel morning Alex, concerned girlfriend Alex, soccer Alex, and stern Alex but grumpy Alex had to be her favorite so far.

Alex had one eye barely peaking open but it was an unmistakable glare. Her hair was smushed against the side of her head that she was sleeping on while the other side was a complete and total mess, half falling out of her ponytail that she still had it in. There was a crease running down her cheek from the cushions and her added “Whatdoyawant?” in that mumbled raspy voice, it all culminated into something completely adorable. 

“Let’s get you in bed,” Tobin chuckled out, she couldn’t help it. 

“Iaminbed,” Alex protested.

“No the real bed, I’ll sleep on the couch tonight, you look like you need a better nights sleep than last night,” Tobin said all the while trying to pull Alex up off the couch. 

“Are you tryingtotell me I lookbad,” Alex slurred.

“No! Just that you deserve to sleep in the actual bed!”, Tobin mentally smacked herself.

“ButI’m supposed to betaking care of youuuu,” Alex whined. 

“I’m ok tonight, bed let’s go,” Tobin pulled her up by her hands and pulled her down the hall. Alex instinctively grabbed on tighter and didn’t let go until Tobin had tucked her in. Harry immediately jumped up on the bed, seemingly coming from out of nowhere. He curled right up next to Alex by her head. 

“Thanks Toby…”, Alex mumbled as soon as she got comfortable. She yawned and closed her eyes and was out almost immediately. Tobin watched her for a few seconds before she started to feel creepy. Also Harry had his beady eyes on her. She walked back into the living room and laid back down on the couch. She’d had a lot of revelations today, had a lot to think about. She fell asleep after an hour of mulling over the events of the day. Just as she was drifting off into a deeper sleep a yelp wrenched her out of it.

Alex.

She heard another cry out and without a second thought she raced into the bedroom to see Alex tossing and turning, her facial expression troubled. She rushed over to her side of the bed and tried to shake her awake. After a few seconds, Alex’s eyes flew open and she had tears in her eyes. She whimpered and grabbed onto Tobin. It was Tobin’s turn to wrap her arms around her, as Alex buried herself in Tobin’s embrace. She shook and took a few deep breaths before she spoke.

“I dreamed that you were gone.” 

Tobin’s heart dropped. She didn’t know how to answer at first. She said the only thing that sounded right though to comfort the crying girl.

“Shhhh, I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?”

“I promise…”

She pulled away slightly so Alex could lay down again. She sat on the edge of the bed until Alex had fallen back to sleep. Once she was sure she was ok again she started to get up to return back to the living room. As she turned from the bed Alex reached out and grabbed her arm, jolting her bit. She wasn’t sure if it was because she wasn’t expecting it or if it was the electricity of her touch once again. She turned back to Alex and they made eye contact. 

“Will you stay? Just tonight?” 

Tobin hesitated for a few seconds. She knew it was a bad idea but the look on Alex’s face was hard to say no to. She looked distressed and Tobin wouldn’t be able to sleep thinking about it. She nodded slightly and Alex let her get up on the bed. Tobin kept her distance not sure how much would be appropriate but Alex reached over and grabbed her arm again, stretching it out between them. After a few minutes Alex had drifted off to sleep visibly more peaceful. Tobin however knew she was in for a long night.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin and Alex spend the day together Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know it's been a while I'm sorry! I am seriously THE slowest writer, it takes me forever to get stuff out the way I want it. I tried to make this one a little longer to make up for it. I'm trying to lead into where I want to take this, so it's filler but important filler! Part 2 should be up in a few days. I've been getting a lot of comments asking for chapter 9 so I decided to split it up rather than make everyone wait even longer. Thank you for all of the awesome comments, Enjoy =)

Tobin tossed and turned all night, unable to relax. She was very aware of her proximity to Alex. Alex, however, didn’t seem to have any problems sleeping right through the night. She kept a tight grip on Tobin’s arm, like if she let go she was afraid Tobin really was going to disappear. 

Tobin stared at Alex’s hand curled around her for she doesn’t know how long. Her skin was soft and her hands looked small but boy did she have a vice like grip on her. Tobin knew it was the strength training and lifting that was required of professional athletes but it still surprised her. Everything about Alex seemed to surprise her. If she could describe Alex she would use words like soft, warm, and sweet, but she had an internal strength as well. She was stern when she needed to be (Tobin had already taken the brunt of that). She was composed and knew just what to do when things seemed to be unmanageable. Tobin admired how she had taken all of this in stride, “all of this” being whatever had happened to her. She made a vow right then and there to make all of this a little easier on the sleeping girl, it was the least she could do. Alex had put all of her energy into making sure Tobin was ok, and it wasn't her fault Tobin was here. This was effecting her as much as it was Tobin.

Tobin couldn't get the events of the day to stop repeating themselves over in her head. She was extremely embarrassed about this mornings incident. Desperate didn't even cover it. But her quest to get back to the life that she knew was a bust and now what? Tobin had no idea where to go from there. She figured she had 2 options: keep trying to reverse whatever happened and keep making herself look like a fool in the process, or just be here, in this world, and hope that someday she'll get back to what she knows. As much as she wished that this was her life, it wasn't and she couldn't just pretend it was. But that didn't mean she couldn't just relax, and let things happen. It would be a lot less tiring. 

...

A mere few hours after Tobin had finally drifted off, a loud blaring woke her up. She groaned but stopped once she heard someone else groaning with her. _Right. Alex._

She lifted her head to see Alex searching for the alarm clock on her night stand. Once she found it she smacked the top of it, hard, causing it to slide sideways and off of the night table. Alex then buried her head under her pillow and groaned again. Tobin could relate. 

After a few minutes, Alex reemerged looking a little more awake. She opened her eyes slightly to see Tobin looking at her. Alex looked across the bed and her eyes landed on her death grip she still had on Tobin. Alex immediately flushed remembering her dream and the reason they were both in the bed. She let go and Tobin felt a rush of cool air infiltrate where the warmth from Alex’s hand had been. Tobin tried to ignore how the lack of physical contact made her feel.

“Sorry about last night.” Alex mumbled sheepishly. 

Tobin just shook her head slightly and mumbled equally as quietly, “Don’t worry about it.”

They laid there awkwardly for a few moments before Alex seemed to remember something. 

“I have a brief training session today in an hour, just lifting and some drills. Would you like to come with me?…I figured it may be good to get you out of the house for a little bit. Get some fresh air?”

Tobin paused for a second not sure how to respond. She had to admit that part of her was a little excited at the thought of seeing a Thorns training, with Alex no less. Plus the thought of staying in her apartment all day again made her shutter. She felt like she was already going crazy, dwelling on the upheaval that her life has gone through. Before she could talk herself out of it she nodded her head. 

“Yea ok.” 

“Great! Let’s get a move on! I’m going to go get ready really fast then I’ll make us a quick breakfast.” 

And with that Alex hopped out of the bed, the grogginess of sleep already long gone. 

Tobin laid there while she heard the shower kick on. She silently sent a prayer up that whatever was happening to her was for a good reason. She had decided that whatever it was she was going to roll with it, try not to fight it. She was not going to dwell on all of the unknowns, because there was a reason she was here with this mysterious girl. Tobin was so consumed with panic and trying to get back to her life that she had not taken the time to really wonder _why?_ She had freaked out (which she felt was a pretty natural response no one could fault her on that), she tried to reverse whatever had happened and failed. Miserably. But as she was lying there with this beautiful girl literally tethering herself to her, she couldn’t help but think that maybe there was something more. There HAD to be something more to _her_ , to _her life_ , to _why she was here._ Maybe this girl was holding her here for more than just her comfort. She had been up all night thinking about all of the possibilities. There HAD to be a reason for it all. There HAD to be a reason she felt the way she did when she was with Alex, who was essentially a perfect stranger. She may not know what it was but Tobin felt she had an obligation to at least try to make the best of a weird situation, to make sense of it. 

With that she made her way over to the drawer Alex had rifled through the other night and picked out an outfit for the day.  
…

45 minutes later, Tobin found herself trying not to stare awkwardly as Thorns players cycled through rotations of specialized workouts around her.

Alex had gotten out of the shower in record speed, allowing Tobin to get ready while she had made them breakfast - Oatmeal with fresh fruit and a green smoothie that was a lot better than it looked. 

The drive to the training facility was short and Alex tried to fill the silence with facts about the Thorns and Providence Park and her teammates. After parking in a lot away from the main entrance, Tobin followed Alex in through an inconspicuous door that led to a long, dim hallway. Tobin couldn’t shake the feeling like she wasn’t supposed to be there. It was like being in a school after hours, all of the life that normally filled the halls and rooms was gone and all that was left was a shell. It was an eerie feeling. Their footsteps echoed as Tobin followed closely behind Alex, unnerved by the silence. 

After walking past a few of what looked like office doors, they came to the end of the hallway and turned down yet another hallway. This one was a little brighter and Tobin could now hear faint clinking noises and laughter. She relaxed a little. Before she knew it they were walking through another doorway that opened up into a large, brightly lit room, filled with weight machines and mats. Alex’s teammates were scattered around, some in small groups talking and messing around, some had already started using the various machines. As soon as they walked through the doors though it seemed like everyone had stopped what they were doing and turned towards them. There was a few seconds of silence and then she heard a couple of gasps and “Tobin!”s. 

Within seconds the entire Thorn’s squad was surrounding her, a few of them clapping her on the back, and patting her shoulders, one even ruffled her hair. She was swarmed with questions of “what happened? , “how are you feeling?” and “is Alex taking care of you?”. There were a few “Do you remember anything?”s and one from a blonde headed girl that had an intense look on her face when she asked, “Did you bust your head open? Did it leave a mark? Can I see it?”

Tobin was taken aback by the response of all of the girls, especially the woman with blonde hair; she was a little scared of that one.

Before she could respond, she felt Alex move in front of her, causing everyone to step back as she exclaimed, “Allie!”

The blonde girl just looked at her with a blank face and a shrug of her shoulders and said, “What?! It was just a question!” 

Alex just shook her head and shooed everyone back to where they were. She gave a quick look back to Tobin clearly trying to offer an apology. Tobin just shook her head dismissing any need for it, she could tell the team had nothing but good intentions even if it was a bit overwhelming. 

That was how she found herself sitting off to the side in a chair brought over by one of the trainers. She had a constant rotation of people coming up to her asking if she needed anything, and if she was comfortable. It was weird to Tobin how accommodating everyone was being. It was like she was actually part of the team, not just the…girlfriend? no that didn’t seem right given the situation…roommate? that didn’t seem right either…well whatever she was she was just Tobin and it amazed her how they were treating her.

She wondered what all Alex had told her teammates. It seemed like everyone she talked to treated her like she was fragile but without really understanding what it meant, her losing her memory. (You know if she had actually lost her memory. ) It was like everyone expected her to suddenly recognize them once she saw them. It was a weird sensation everyone looking at her expectantly. The crazy part was, she did recognize a lot of the faces. She knew most of them if not by name but by position simply by being a fan. The term surreal did not even come close to describing it.

After about an hour, Tobin searched the room looking at everyone, trying to find Alex. She finally found her on the opposite side of the room stretching out her legs on one of the mats. She was with the blonde haired girl, Allie, and they seemed to be having a good conversation, talking and laughing. She was so caught up staring at Alex that she was startled when someone cleared their throat loudly trying to get her attention. She jumped and looked over at the woman who was standing by her side with wide eyes.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you, I just wanted to see if you needed anything? Water?” She held out a bottle of water to Tobin and smiled when she took it. Tobin nodded in thanks and took a second to search the girl’s face to see if she recognized her. 

She had dark brown hair, that was neatly pulled up into a bun with a braid running through it. She had bright eyes, that crinkled when she smiled and made her whole face light up. Tobin decided that she didn’t recognize her, but she seemed nice enough.

The woman held her hand out for Tobin to shake.

“Hi, I’m Ali! Ali Krieger. I’m sure you don’t remember who I am so I thought I’d come over and introduce myself!”

Tobin took her hand and smiled at her. 

“Tobin, and thank you, you’re the first person to do that.” She laughed. 

The woman, Ali, chuckled and made to sit down on the floor next to where Tobin was already sitting. She sat with her back against the wall and let out a sigh of relief. 

“I’m sorry about all of them earlier, they all mean well but I don’t think it’s really occurred to them what all you’re going through.” Ali looked at Tobin with a sympathetic look on her face. Tobin was getting a lot of that face.

“It’s ok, I get it, it’s a weird situation.” She said with a shrug.

“Still it must be hard.” She paused for a second before continuing. “She’s really worried about you, you know?” Ali nodded over at Alex.

“ We all are...” Ali trailed off still looking at Alex. "When Ash told me what happened and that she went to go see you with the other two I could've kicked myself for not being able to go too." 

Tobin looked over at Ali, realization dawning on her. "Oh you're Ali! Ashlyn's girlfriend. Kelley told me about you yesterday when I was asking about the three of them!"

"Yea!", Ali laughed again smiling with that bright infectious smile. "Just don't believe everything you hear from Kelley, she's a firecracker that one."

"Oh believe me, I'm finding that out."

They both laughed, shaking their heads. Ali stopped shortly after though a more serious look on her face.

“We're all really worried about you, but it must be nothing compared to what you are feeling. How are you doing? I mean really?” 

Ali looked over at Tobin then and Tobin felt like she could tell her the truth. Not the whole truth, she had already tried that once, but she could at least be honest with her feelings about it.

“It’s scary,” she started. “Everyone seems to know about your life but you. Everything is familiar but fuzzy, and seems slightly off. It’s like I’m looking through a lens into my life and it’s blurry and I can’t seem to figure out how to bring it into focus. But I know what is supposed to be there. Or what was there. But now it's different and it’s confusing. Like I don’t quite fit into my own life.”

Ali nodded. She paused and seemed to be fighting with herself on whether or not to ask what she wanted to ask.

After a few seconds, she asked gently, "If you don't mind me asking, what do you remember?"

Tobin knew someone was going to ask her this eventually. She was actually pretty surprised no one had, other than the doctor. When the doctor had asked, Alex was in the room with her. She didn't quite know how to respond, and she was nervous. Alex had been looking at her expectantly. The doctor had then asked if she remembered various things like her parents, her friends, her job which had made it a little bit easier. She had responded truthfully, but she had to watch Alex's face as he asked about her and Alex and their life together, what she remembered. But now it was a little bit different. Ali was not a doctor and she wasn't Alex. So again she told the truth.

"The last thing I remember is being in my apartment, alone, watching tv. I didn't have a cat, and I didn't have a girlfriend. I remember my family and Amy and Lauren. I remember my childhood, I remember school up through college. I remember moving into the city and I had the same job, and I worked and I came home and that was it. That's all I know." She looked sadly over at Ali, who was listening attentively. She had a concerned look on her face, but it was different somehow. It was like she wasn't judging what Tobin was telling her, just trying to really understand what Tobin was feeling.

"So you don't remember anything about Alex, or your life together?" Ali asked after a few seconds passed.

"No, I don't. I truly don't." Tobin replied.

"I can't even imagine how that must feel, waking up to a stranger in your apartment, everything different than how you remember it. I probably would have flipped out..." Ali said shaking her head.

"Oh I definitely did, I thought Alex was trying to murder me." Tobin chuckled. This made Ali laugh even though the look on her face was skeptical.

"In all seriousness though it was extremely scary waking up and not knowing what was going on. Alex can tell you, I promptly freaked out and ran to the bathroom to throw up. I know it was hard on her, hearing me say that I didn't know who she was. I went through an insane amount of emotions, and was terrified if I'm being honest. Nothing was familiar."

"How did you handle being in your apartment with Alex since you didn't remember her? That must be extremely weird sharing an apartment with a stranger. Why didn't you go home to your family?" Ali asked. By now she had turned to face Tobin, sitting with her legs crossed, looking up at her clearly concerned. 

Tobin thought about the question for a moment. She didn't know if she knew the answer herself. Most of her focus had been on _what the fuck is happening?_ that she didn't really realize she had the option. Sure Alex had suggested she call her mother or one of her sisters to take her to the doctor but Tobin had said no. If she was being honest with herself, it was because there was something that drew her to Alex instantly. And she believed Alex. She believed Alex was in love with and took care of A Tobin, it just wasn't her. She felt safe almost, being surrounded by someone who knew her, even if she didn't know them. 

She didn't realize how long of a pause she had taken until Ali cleared her throat and said, "I'm sorry you don't have to answer that. Or any of my questions. I'm sure people keep harassing you about all of this."

"Oh no, I was just trying to think of the best way to answer you!", she said quickly. Ali looked relieved.

Tobin continued to try to explain, "I don't really know why...but despite being freaked out about not knowing where I was or who I was with, there was something about Alex that made me not freak out as much? if that makes sense? I could tell that what she was telling me was the truth, she was so genuine with her worry and how quickly she adapted to my needs. I felt a bit of safety. And I trusted her, right off the bat. And actually you're the first person besides the doctor to really ask me any questions. Even Alex doesn't really ask me anything besides what I'm feeling. I think she's afraid of what my answers would be."

While Tobin had kind of left out important bits and pieces, what she told Ali was not far from the truth. There was something about Alex that had kept her there. Ali nodded her head and smiled softly.

"Yea I get that. I'd hope that if anything ever happened like that to me or Ash that we'd feel something similar. When you have a bond with someone, it's so much more than just surface stuff. You always have a connection with them, whether it be physical or mental. It's hard to ignore. When you love someone they become part of you." 

Tobin, who had been looking at Ali while they had their conversation, glanced back over at Alex before she could stop herself. Allie must have just said something hilarious because Alex was literally rolling on the floor laughing, clutching at her stomach trying to catch her breath. Tobin tried not to smile, but lost the internal battle. Quietly, mostly to herself, she muttered, "Yea."

...

Not too long after, the gym session was called to a close by the trainers and everyone gathered to listen about the next session. They were going to take a short break and then resume on the field for a few drills and a short scrimmage. Tobin was taken to the field while the team went to the locker room to suit up in their training gear. Tobin could not help the sheer excitement pulsing through her. This was first time she had ever been to Providence Park, let alone given a private tour of the facilities and an on field seat to watch them train.

During her college career, Tobin had played soccer all four years. And she was good, really good. She had played for youth national teams as she was growing up but she had her sights set on making the senior team and going pro once she had graduated. Soccer was her life, and she had planned on making a career out of it. But in one of her last games as a senior, an important one at that, all of her hopes, dreams, and most painfully her knee was shattered by a tough tackle.

To say she was crushed was an understatement. No matter how much time she spent rehabbing and getting back to her full potential, no club would sign someone who had such an uncertain future. She saw her life's work and purpose be ripped away from her within seconds. The depression that came really took a toll on her and her rehabilitation. Then another blow came but this time it was her heart that got shattered. The injury and the depression had been too much for her then girlfriend, or at least that's what she told Tobin. Not more than 2 weeks had passed when Tobin had heard from one of their mutual friends that "she who must not be named" was now with one of their other mutual friends. The worst part was that only her close friends had even known about her relationship. She was still too afraid to tell her family. Needless to say the whole horrific experience really took a lot out of Tobin. And unfortunately soccer was now a horrible, painful memory.

It took her a year for her knee to get back to normal, and by then she had given up on ever playing again. She wasn't one of the lucky ones with a good prognosis. She saw her friends go on to either play professionally, or go off and do something else amazing. Tobin took a temp job in an office, just to bid the time until she could decide what she wanted to do next. She never left.

It took Tobin a few years to start watching soccer again. After moving to the city, and seeing all that it had to offer soccer wise she started following the team, and that became her escape. She lived for the games, and before she knew it, she was an avid follower. She had yet to actually play soccer, or even touch a ball however, in all of those years. It brought back too many painful memories. But here she was, front and center, standing on the pitch and it actually felt really good.

Tobin felt giddy, like a little kid. The feel of the grass squish beneath her feet was something she dreamed about. The smell too, instantly calming her. She could not for the life of her figure out how it had taken her so long to get back out here. Maybe her life would have been so much different if she had.

She watched as Alex filtered out onto the field flanked by her teammates. Alex's smile was bigger than she had ever seen it, and Tobin knew that was how she used to look when she first stepped onto the field. There was nothing like the feeling of jumping on the pitch, for training or a game, nothing Tobin had loved more. Then she saw Alex searching the sidelines. As soon as they locked eyes, Tobin smiled back and her stomach did a somersault. Alex's smile grew even bigger. 

...

Tobin watched as the team ran through drills, warming up. Shortly after, they broke up into 2 teams for a scrimmage. Tobin knew Alex was good from watching her play against the Thorns. But watching her here now and in person was a whole different level. Her speed was unstoppable. She was so quick and could read her teammates so well. She was not only a natural goal scorer but she had the vision to set up numerous goals. It was incredible. 

The scrimmage came to an end and there was a collective groan of satisfaction from the team. Everyone was all smiles. There was a game this weekend and they looked to be in good shape, as far as Tobin could tell.

Alex made her way over to Tobin, who was now sitting on the sidelines and flopped down next to her. Alex turned her head to the side to face Tobin and smiled at her. 

"What do ya think, should we quit our day jobs?" Alex joked.

"I'd say all of you are good," Tobin laughed.

"Were you bored watching us train?" Alex panted.

Tobin shook her head quickly and said, "No way it was awesome, you are insanely talented!"

Alex's cheeks turned even more red than they already were. "Thank you, and good I hoped you'd enjoy it, you always liked when I took you to trainings."

Tobin didn't really know how to respond to that, so she just smiled at Alex and nodded her head. A few seconds passed and then Alex sat up and clapped Tobin on the knee. 

"Alright, I'm going to go shower and change and then I am taking you out to lunch, sound good?" Alex looked at her expectantly.

"You're the one who just did a massive workout, shouldn't I be the one taking you to lunch?" It was the least Tobin could do after all Alex had done for her.

Alex smiled one of those smiles and said, "Ok then it's a date."

And suddenly Tobin was nervous.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 "the date"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys...so I'll just get right into it and I'll leave all of the I'm sorrys for the end notes! Enjoy!

Tobin took a deep breath, attempting to collect herself. It had been 30 minutes since they left the practice field and she and Alex had sat down for lunch at a local restaurant. Already, it had been every bit as awkward as she had anticipated. Alex had just excused herself to go to the restroom, giving Tobin a moment to over analyze just about everything that had transpired up to that point.

After Tobin allowed herself to panic for a few short seconds following Alex’s date comment, she recovered quickly. She gave Alex a nervous smile, which Alex seemed to read perfectly. She didn’t say anything else, just pushed herself up off the ground and held out her hand for Tobin who took it instantly. Alex gave her hand a little squeeze before asking if she’d like a tour of the rest of the facility and the locker rooms.

Tobin nodded grateful for the change in subject. 

Alex took her through the whole complex, pointing out little things here and there. Tobin tried to focus in on what Alex was saying, but she was a little distracted.

She knows Alex had used the word date extremely casually, but that didn’t stop her from getting anxious. If Tobin really assessed the situation, Alex’s use of the word was normal, an everyday term in the life she shared with Tobin.

Only she wasn’t Alex’s everyday Tobin.

And THIS Tobin Heath didn’t date. Like at all.

Her only true relationship was in college and she did her very best not to think about it. That whole time period of her life was a little hazy because she refused to relive it. One thing she did know for sure was that she was not the one to initiate anything. It had taken her months to even become remotely comfortable with her ex’s advances, and after that they had pretty much jumped into a full on relationship - if you could call it that. 

They didn't really "date" if she really thought about it. They didn't go out to dinner or to the movies. They didn't double date with their friends. Tobin fantasized about taking her out on some cliche outing, opening all of her doors for her, paying for her meals. She envisioned relaxing and not worrying what other people thought about the two of them. She longed for sneaking glances and knowing smirks shared between them when they were out with their friends. Instead they spent a lot of time indoors, just the two of them. Tobin had liked it just the two of them, away from prying eyes and potential judgment. She was anxious about everything but her, and they created their own little world in the comfort of her room. She was just starting to open up to her friends about her relationship when everything happened. She was just starting to feel comfortable letting go of her insecurities and experience a recklessness and freedom that Tobin had deprived herself of her whole teenage life. Consequently, her experience of “dating” was very limited and unfortunately very wrapped up with bad memories and pain. 

Thinking back to earlier that morning, and her resolution to just embrace whatever her life had become, had Tobin trying to convince herself that everything was happening for a reason.

By some crazy circumstance, she was here walking next to a girl who was gushing over the quality of grass on their field compared to some other complexes, something that most people would find so incredibly minute in the grand scheme of things, and it kind of hits her as she’s nodding along. 

This girl is special. It had only been a handful of days since she had met her but she knew she was.

And Tobin likes her, likes being around her. And for some crazy reason this girl has stuck by her. 

Tobin, in her old life, would never in a million years be able to talk to Alex. Yet here she is walking next to her, and it’s like Tobin kind of has a new outlook on her situation. 

Sure she’s never really dated. And sure she is quiet and a little shy and is definitely reserved. But here and now Alex is next to her and talking to her animatedly and she has a chance to do something different for once.

She has a chance to step out of her comfort zone and stop hiding from the world. 

She can’t be Alex’s Tobin, but maybe…maybe she can be a different version of her. Tobin’s got nothing left to lose. She’s either stuck here for the rest of her life or she’ll wake up in her old one. Either way Tobin has an opportunity in front of her. The initial hard part has already been done for her, it’s up to her how the rest of it pans out.

Alex clearly was not going anywhere, that she had made perfectly clear. So maybe it was about time Tobin tried to meet her half way, instead of trying to run away. And if Alex decided that she didn’t want to hang around any longer…well then Tobin had been through worse than a pretty girl rejecting her. She’d survived this long without someone, she’d be fine.

She was always fine.

By the time she had calmed herself down enough to focus back in on what Alex was saying, the girl had gone quiet. Tobin looked over at Alex who was just looking at her with a small, knowing smile on her face. Tobin smiled sheepishly at her knowing that that smile meant that Alex knew she hadn’t been fully listening to her the past couple of minutes. 

Alex didn’t say anything though, just shook her head and with a laugh and guided them to the locker rooms so she could get changed.

…

After Alex had walked out, showered and changed, she’d lead Tobin to her car spouting off lunch places a mile a minute. She gave Tobin a playful glare, after hearing her chuckle, exclaiming she was famished and needed food instantly.

Tobin prided herself on knowing all of the good eats in the city. During her adventures to the local farmers markets every Saturday, she’d taken to exploring the little cafes and local eateries for a quick snack or lunch. Some people were unable to eat by themselves but she never minded. She enjoyed being able to decide on where to go based solely on what she alone was in the mood for. She could sit and read without any distractions, or people watch as long as she liked. It was solitary but she liked it. She was used to it. 

Hearing Alex name places that were relatively generic, clearly places that they frequented, secretly appalled her. The restaurants were fine but nothing spectacular, mainly touristy spots and a few chains lumped in.

Forcing herself to make good on her previous resolution, she decided she could do this. She could suggest a much better place, there was nothing to be worried about. 

With the little bit of confidence she had mustered she cleared her throat and asked, “ Can I make a suggestion?”

Alex looked surprised but nodded eagerly. 

“Of course! Anything you want!”

“OK, um, there’s this little eatery not to far from here that has the best coffee and brunch about this time. If that sounds good? Otherwise we can get whatever you want. I know you probably have your usual things you like to eat after a workout. You know what? Let’s just go-“

“Tobs?”, Alex interrupted, “Brunch sounds fantastic right now.”

“Oh, ok,” Tobin flushed, adrenaline pumping from her burst of confidence. See easy, she could do this.

"Just lead the way!"

After a shaky start, Tobin finally got her bearings and was able to navigate them down the correct street. It was not one of the more well traveled streets and Tobin always had trouble remembering its exact location, even after having been there numerous times.

They parked in a small lot by the strip of businesses and upon their arrival, Alex already had a look of delight on her face. 

The little eatery was sandwiched in between a second hand store and a boutique. It had a little area out front that was covered with greenery and a few tables and chairs scattered around. The concrete was cracked and the iron tables and chairs were chipping. Vines ran wild, along the fence separating the restaurant from the sidewalk, and up the brick facade. It was quaint and homey and a touch rundown but not in a bad way. It looked like it had been around for a while and Tobin loved it. 

She looked over at Alex with a smile, who was looking at her in wonder.

"How have I never been here before? It's beautiful!" 

Not knowing how to respond Tobin just shrugged, looking apologetic. It wasn’t her fault Alex didn’t know about the place but it still reminded her that she was in unknown territory. She clearly knew of the place but Alex's Tobin didn't. How was she going to explain that? Did she really even have to?

She gestured for Alex to lead the way, and they made their way inside. The inside was just as quaint as the outside, with warm colors and flowers everywhere. The strong scent of coffee wafted through the air, and Tobin inhaled deeply. 

Home. She felt like she was at home. 

For the first time in days she allowed herself to relax and settle into the familiar surroundings. It felt good be somewhere that looked and felt like she remembered it.

One look at Alex and she could tell she could feel the comfort and warmth too.

They took their time looking at the seemingly endless menu. A large chalkboard that ran along the entire wall held every breakfast/brunch/and lunch item known to man. 

“Why on earth did you bring me here? How am I supposed to decide on what to get, everything looks so good!” Alex whined, smile on her lips.

Tobin chuckled and said, “Told you it was the best.”

“Well what are you getting?”

“The garden egg white omelette, with the side of fresh fruit, and a lavender mocha coffee.” Tobin had had pretty much everything on the menu at that point and knew immediately what she wanted. 

She could see Alex’s indecision and took pity on her.

“Their egg bennie’s are awesome especially with the sauce they put on them it’s like crack. The french toast is just as good and you can never go wrong with their breakfast casserole, The Mountain Man. Oh and they make their donuts from scratch! My favorite is the garden omelette, the flavors are just outstanding. They have a little garden in the back that they pick from everyday so the ingredients constantly change based on the days selection or season. They have regular coffee, which is good, but they have a ton of really unique flavorings. My favorite is the lavender mocha. They make a simple syrup from the lavender they grow on the premises and it’s amazing, best coffee in Portland hands down.”

Alex was looking at Tobin in fascination. 

Tobin was giddy what with being in a place that was familiar but deflated a little once she realized that was probably the most she had said at once to Alex since she had met her. And she didn’t stutter!

Feeling more and more self conscious under Alex’s scrutinizing gaze, she shifted feeling awkward and let out a nervous laugh. 

Luckily Alex seemed to snap herself out of it and made a decision on what she wanted to order. She went with the french toast, with a side of the casserole and took Tobin’s word and ordered the lavender mocha.

They stood together while waiting to pay, a good bit of distance kept between them.

Tobin hadn’t realized that up until this point she did not have her wallet on her. She had completely forgotten about such mundane things like money and a drivers license ever since she had woken up that fateful morning. So after patting down her pockets and coming up empty, she looked at Alex with confusion and alarm. 

“Uh Alex? I-I don’t have my wallet, I completely forgot to even look for it…,”

“Oh! I have it! I threw it in my bag just before we went to the doctor’s office just in case you needed it. Here!”

She handed Tobin her wallet but before she could open it up, Alex had already handed over her card for the cashier to swipe. 

Tobin just smiled gratefully and tucked her wallet into her pocket and waited for Alex to finish up. 

A few seconds later, Tobin let Alex lead the way letting her choose their table. After pausing for a second looking around and weighing her options she turned to Tobin and asked, 

“Would you like to eat outside?”

“Outside is good.”

They picked a table off to the side under an arched trellis, making it almost completely hidden to passersby. Alex set the metal stand with their order number on it, on the table and excused herself to find the restroom.

Tobin took a deep breath to steady herself. She had made it this far and so far not so bad. She couldn't say it'd been good but it was not so bad. She could tell Alex was holding back something that she wanted to say and she was almost afraid to hear what it was. Gradually over the past 10 minutes or so she had noticed that Alex's expression had gone from one of amazement to something Tobin couldn't really decipher.

She didn’t have to wait long. Alex was making her way back to the table a much more somber look on her face. 

Tobin didn’t really have a chance to dwell on the change in mood because their food was being brought out to them at about the same pace.

After getting settled making sure they had everything they ordered, they dove in without more than a few words exchanged. Tobin sighed in content after sipping at her coffee, relishing the unique flavor. Alex tentatively took a sip and and hummed appreciatively at the taste. They shared a small smile, Tobin glad that she seemed to be enjoying herself a little more now that the food had come. 

After a few quiet minutes, Alex took a break from her food and cleared her throat.

Tobin looked up and noted the look on her face.

“Everything ok? Is the food good?” she asked anxiously.

Alex shook her head quickly, “Oh yes it’s just as good as you said it was. This coffee is amazing, I was a little skeptical but you’re right it’s perfect.”

Tobin nodded, relieved and gestured with her head for her to continue.

“Can I ask you something? Something serious?”

“Ok…,” Tobin searched her eyes noticed they were a bright blue and watery. She started to get nervous. Alex looked sad and guilty and all Tobin could think was _I didn’t even get a chance._

Because she knew what that look meant. She’d seen it before, all of those years ago. _So much for worrying about dating._

Alex took a deep breath and started slow, “Tobin…these past few days have been…hard… to say the least. I’ve been trying to stay positive and I know you’ve been overwhelmed so I’ve tried to respect your feelings and not overload you with too much all at once. But I have to ask…Do you think you’ll ever get your memory back, do you remember anything about our life together?”

Tobin knew they were going to have to have this conversation at one point but it still didn’t make it any easier. She had to tell her the truth. She took a deep breath.

“No, I don’t remember anything. And I don’t know if I ever will….,” she replied, tone low and apologetic. 

She paused seeing the look of anguish on Alex’s face. Tobin’s heart tightened at the sight and wracked her brain trying to think of a way to make it all better. She didn't want to lie to her. She didn’t want to get Alex’s hopes up, knowing she’d never have those memories.

“But…,” and Tobin paused trying to gather the courage to complete her sentence. 

She knew that she liked Alex and she didn’t want to lose her no matter what her role in her life was. Alex has been there for her through one of the most confusing and surreal experiences of her life even if she didn’t know just how crazy it was. She wanted to let her know how much she appreciated her company and how she wanted to continue to get to know her better. She didn’t want Alex out of her life, she just didn’t know how she really fit either. 

Alex was looking at her with glassy eyes, and that pushed her to say what she was really feeling.

“But, I know that when I am with you I feel something that I’ve never felt with anyone. I feel comfort and safety. I feel lost, don’t get me wrong but when I feel like everything is spinning out of control you appear out of nowhere and know just what to say to make everything seem better, more manageable. Even though I don’t remember anything about the life I supposedly had, and as scary and confusing as that is, you are the only thing that has made me stay instead of running back to what was familiar. And I can’t explain why.” 

Tobin paused and took in another deep breath before pressing on.

“I’ve tried to figure out why this happened to me, I’ve tried to get back to what I know, and so far I don’t have any answers. But I do know that I feel better with you around. And the most that I can do is try to live my life as what it is now. And I’d like it if you were in it, if you’d like to be.”

Tobin stopped herself and continued looking down at the table in front of her. She didn't want to see the look on Alex's face, didn't want to see pity or guilt or any of it. She was surprised however when Alex had reached over and grabbed her hand that was resting on the table.

"Tobs...Tobin..."

Reluctantly she looked up and searched Alex's face and was a little surprised to her see her looking so calm. 

"When you first told me you didn't recognize me, and I could see that you were serious, I went into panic mode. All I could think was 'everything is going to be ok, everything has to be ok'. But after the trip to the doctor and hearing that you had no memories of us together, and you still were confused about everything, my heart was shattered."

Alex had tightened her grip on Tobin's hand and Tobin took a leap of faith and turned her palm over to cup Alex hand a little tighter. The gesture seemed give Alex a little boost to continue. Her voice had gotten rougher, raspier than Tobin had ever heard it. The emotion in it caused her heart to constrict again a little sharper this time.

"I'm not going to lie, I had hoped that after a few days, you would come back to me. I was a little cocky thinking that all it would take would be me. I thought I alone could bring your memory back." Her tone was so full of sadness Tobin didn't think she could take much more of this.

"But I realize that the likelihood of that happening is not good. The future for either of us is unknown, and while that makes me extremely anxious I believe that everything happens for a reason. And I've come to a conclusion of sorts. Tobin I love you, so much...," Alex stopped the rest of her sentence caught in her throat.

Tobin was wide eyed not really sure how to respond.

"Alex- I-"

"No, I don't need you to say it back, I know..."

Tobin was just looking at her, mouth parted words stuck in her throat.

Alex continued however, a little shaky, "I love you, but the Tobin I was in love with is not here anymore. Not fully at least." She gave Tobin a sad watery smile.

" I look at you and I see her, and I feel her. And occasionally you'll say something that will be just like something you'd say before and have me hoping that you're back and everything is the way it should be again. But then you'll look at me with an unrecognizable expression and my heart will sink. I see bits of the old you, but there have also been new things that you say or do and they are intriguing. So unlike the you that I know so well. Like this restaurant for example. It's like I know you but I don't know you at the same time. It's surreal but I think I've come up with a solution."

Tobin up until this point was coursing through a range of emotions. She just nodded letting Alex continue knowing she didn't have it in her to respond just yet.

"I want to start over."

Alex said it so simply, Tobin almost missed it.

"Wait, what?"

"I want to start over. You and me. Tobin, I fell in love with you once and you loved me once too. Give me a chance to start over with you."

Tobin was reeling. She had not expected this turn of events.

"You want to start over with me? Like date me?"

"Yes." Alex was starting to smile the tiniest of smiles. "I want to date you. If we can't go back to the way things were, then let's start something new. If you want to that is. If you're not interested in or attracted to me like that, or if it will make you uncomfortable then we can just be friends, I'll take that in a heart beat...I'll move out and we can just be casually in each others lives but... I feel with every fiber of my being that we're supposed to be doing this. You and me. Let's get to know each other all over again. And it won't just be you getting to know me. Tobin, already you're so different but in a good way. I'm still as fascinated by you as I ever was, despite the differences. I think this will be a good opportunity for the both of us. If you want it..."

Alex was looking at her earnestly, but she could see the nervousness exuding off of her.

Tobin was still trying to wrap her mind around everything Alex was saying but all she could think was _She likes me, she wants to date me. What kind of craziness is this?_

Tobin's heart was beating wildly in her chest. She knew she had to respond.

"I-I...Ok. I think I'd like that..."

The smile on Alex's face was totally worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I suck. Big time. But I promise it's not because I didn't want to write/ update. I'm sorry for leaving everybody hanging for MONTHS I know it's been months. I've been in a funk for all kinds of personal reasons but I'm feeling so much better and life is looking up and I'm actually excited about continuing this and finishing this up, and hopefully doing it justice. Thank you to everyone for the comments asking for updates and I'm sorry it took so long. I have lots of ideas and I won't make promises about the frequency of updates but just know I still love this story and want to put it out there for people to enjoy. So leave comments if you like where it's going or if anyone has any speculations on the outcome I'd love to hear it!! Thank you again for reading y'all are so awesome =)


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